


My Heart Holds You When My Arms Cannot

by Not_So_Mundane_After_All_97



Category: Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: Dick learns to be a good father figure, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Rachel learns how it feels to have one, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:26:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23498989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_So_Mundane_After_All_97/pseuds/Not_So_Mundane_After_All_97
Summary: When the boy from the circus she had only seen in her dreams before turns out to be a real person, Rachel slowly starts to learn that people linked by destiny will always find each other and there is no accidental meetings between kindred spirits. Dick Grayson is the man who saved her life, but over time he becomes so much more than that - a protector, a friend, a mentor and a teacher. And, to her biggest surprise - a father.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Koriand'r & Garfield Logan & Raven, Dick Grayson & Rachel Roth, Dick Grayson & Raven, Dick Grayson/Koriand'r
Comments: 12
Kudos: 148





	1. The Boy From The Circus

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to another story I'm cooking up for you! This one is a multichapter look into Rachel's point of view throughtout the entire series (from the pilot till the end of season 2 and a little bit beyond because it seems we have to wait extra long for s3) and focuses mainly on her relationship with Dick (which you know I'm obsessed with if you're here), on how it grows, develops and changes over the course of the show. I'm covering scenes that are already there (so obviously a spoiler warning for the entire series) but I'm also adding something from me, bits and pieces that we didn't get to see and imo should've happened. I'm sticking to the canon, not changing any major plotpoints, just adding some missing scenes, that's all. So, welcome to chapter 1 and enjoy the ride. See you guys soon with chapter 2.

All sounds disappear when she opens the curtain and steps onto the empty circus stage. She's aware this is a dream, it's not the first time she has it either, but this moment always throws her off guard. Because no matter how many times she's been through this before, she always expects the dream to go differently - she expects to see a circus tent full of cheering people, blinding lights and loud music. Instead all she finds is a mess of an abandoned place, with broken chairs laying around, almost like everyone left in a hurry and dust covering everything, it's fibers only visible in a single string of white light coming somewhere high from under the roof.

And yet all of this doesn't stop Rachel from walking in further.

The stage comes to life when she calls out into the emptiness of the place. Flashing lights fall on her from every direction and there's a neon sign right in front of her. "The Flying Graysons" it says and a faint voice of a presenter reaches her ears. But none of that matters because there are three people above her now, acrobats getting ready for their performance.

Somewhere in the back of her head Rachel knows what's going to happen. But the music starts, the soft sound of violin mutes out everything else and the performers start to fly, doing flips and turns in the air so effortlessly like gravity means nothing to them. They are always in perfect sync, always catching and supporting each other, knowing each other's every move. And Rachel can't take her eyes off of them no matter how hard she tries. 

The man and the woman swing together on one side and the boy joins them from the other and they dance together in the air, three parts of a whole. And it's the most beautiful thing Rachel had ever seen. 

But it can't stay beautiful forever. 

The moment the boy is about to grab his mother's hand, her rope breaks and their hands miss each other only by inches. Everything slows down and Rachel screams helplessly, because there's nothing she can do. It always ends the same. Her scream and the boy's match in a cacophony of sounds and she wakes up before the bodies can hit the ground.

When her mom hugs her and tells her it was just a dream, Rachel can only think about the boy. His face twisted in pain. His emotions all over the place, a painful mix of agony, grief, sorrow and guilt. The unfathomable weight of loneliness. 

Her mother holds her and promises it wasn't real. But Rachel knows better. And she's not the one who needs comfort right now. The boy does. And as her mom locks the door behind her and the room goes dark, Rachel's heart wishes more than anything she could hold the boy and make his pain go away. 

***

It feels like she's been sitting there for hours, but it only must have been a few minutes. The walls of that dull interrogation room they put her in can't block the wave of tangled thoughts and feelings of everyone in the building, not entirely. Not that it matters anyway, no one cares. Someone will eventually remember she's sitting here alone, they will bring in a social worker and she'll be put in a system. She's an orphan now, just a screwed up kid with no family. And nobody cares about screw ups like her. It's time as good as any to get used to it. 

So it completely surprises her when the door opens and a young man walks in with a warm smile on his face and a spark in his eyes that somehow feels familiar to her. 

"Hi there, how you doing?" he greets her and throws his empty coffee cup into the trash can in the corner as the door close behind him. His tone is light, polite and trusting, like he's talking to a kid from his neighborhood and not a deranged kid who's here because she threw a rock at a police car. "Word on the street is you like playing baseball with bricks and cop cars."

Rachel narrows her eyes at him in confusion, because there's something so familiar about him, the way his presence feels inside her mind, it's like she felt it before. There's a hint of something there, but it's like it's hidden behind a wall. But it's there. She's sure she had never met the guy before, but her mind tells her otherwise.

"I'm detective Dick Grayson." he introduces himself as he takes the seat in front of her. "Wanna talk about what happened?"

Time stops. Suddenly it all makes sense. _Grayson_. Like the acrobats from her dream. The Flying Graysons. Like-

"It's _you_." she breathes out, her eyes wide in shock. "You're the boy from the circus."

It seems impossible. She's been seeing him in her nightmares almost every night for months and now he's right in front of her. Flesh and blood. And he's not a boy, but a _grown man_. There has to be a reason behind it all. It doesn't make sense.

But what in her life ever did?

He gets a little hostile when she starts talking, accusing her of pranking him. He's triggered, which only proves her to be right - it is indeed him. She's talking about the things she shouldn't supposed to know, his personal secrets he likely hadn't shared with many people, if any. But she can't stop herself. And despite the craziness of the situation, she knows deep in her gut she can trust this man. So she asks him for help.

His demeanor completely changes when she tells him her mom was killed. He gives her a little notebook and a pen and asks for a name and address. She can feel his eyes on her as she writes down the details. It's the last time she uses this address as her own. She will never go back there again. That life is over now. 

She grabs his hand while giving him the pen back and her dream comes back to her. But this time it's not a dream, but a memory. His parents laying still on the ground. The boy holding his mother's hand, crying. Police officers pulling him away as the medics do everything they can. But there's no point. A hand on his shoulder. _I want to help you_ whispered to his ear. A flash of a fancy bedroom and his name on a note. 

He pulls his hand back and Rachel is thrown back into reality. The connection they had leaves a stinging feeling in her chest. She had used this ability before, but serving a connection with someone was never painful. She barely felt anything before.

He felt something too. His entire body tensed, but she can't quite read his face.

"Listen, I'm gonna check this out, okay?" he throws at her over his shoulder, turning quickly towards the door. She's used to people running away from her and she had never tried to stop them from doing so. But this is different.

"Don't leave me here!"

"Rachel, you vandalized a police car. You're not going anywhere-"

"You don't understand!" 

She doesn't know why she's telling him this. The only person she had ever trusted with this information was her mom. But she's gone now. And there's something about Dick Grayson that makes Rachel want to tell him everything. To warn him.

"There's something inside of me. Something evil."

He seems to consider it for a moment. She can feel his confusion and how sorry he feels for her. He connects to her pain, because he knows what it's like. But she doesn't need his pity. 

"I can't give you the kind of help you need." he says. "But I will find someone who can."

"Don't leave me here." she begs again, because there's nothing else she can do. She has no other idea how to stop him. 

"Look, I'm sorry. I really am." he says from the door and she knows he's being honest. Then he closes the door behind him and Rachel is alone again.

And it looks like it will stay this way.

***

When that creepy guy ties her to a chair and threatens her, talking nonsense about the end of the world, she think it's over. But when she hears a familiar voice calling her name she screams at the top of her lungs until there's a piece of cloth pushed into her mouth. Everything that happens after is a blur. Her other side takes over and when she finally comes back to herself, panting heavily, her captor is dead, laying in a puddle of his own blood on the floor and Dick Grayson is in front of her, his eyes wide and alarmed, as he quickly works to release her. 

"What happened?" he asks, his voice full of worry.

"I don't know."

There's something in him, something that makes her feel safe and secure, because he's here, he came. He didn't leave her. 

She throws her arms around his neck and clings to him. She wants to hide there and cry, and he feels like the only safe place to do so. Dick stumbles backwards, taken aback by her sudden outburst, but slowly puts his hands on her back. He's awkward, he doesn't know what to do, but that doesn't stop her from curling closer into him.

"Please help me." she sobs and when his arms pull her a little closer to him, she's sure he will. 

***

They don't go back to the police station like she expected to. Instead Dick takes her to his apartment. This is not a place she would expect a guy like him to live in. Bare walls, dirty broken windows, random pieces of furniture scattered around a vast space. The place feels cold and empty.

"Wait here." he tells her as they enter. "I'm just gonna grab some stuff and I'll be right back. Bathroom is on the right of you need to freshen up. " 

And with that he's gone behind the door on the other side of the room.

Rachel looks around. It doesn't feel like someone is actually living here. It's almost like he only comes here to sleep, recharge, like he doesn't want to spend here any more time than necessary. There's a punching bag by the window and she notices stains on it as she comes closer to get a better look. If she were to guess, it looks a lot like blood. 

She turns around to go and sit on the couch when something else catches her eye. On the table by the door, a framed poster stands against the wall and Rachel holds her breath as she comes closer to it. 

The Flying Graysons.

It's hard to wrap her head around the fact that she had dreamt about something that actually happened. The proof is right in front of her. It makes her think it can't be an accident. It's like some higher power planned this to happen. Like she was supposed to find him. Her dream told her that before she even knew what it meant. 

A lot about this is very confusing. What does it all mean? What is so special about the boy from the circus that it looks like God Himself pointed her towards him? Rachel has no idea about any of this but deep inside she's sure of one thing - she can trust Dick Grayson, that is certain.

She doesn't notice him coming back until his reflection appears behind her in the glass frame.

"Ready to go?"

She quickly turns to him with wide eyes, like she's been caught on doing something she wasn't supposed to. But he doesn't comment on it. That warm smile he had when they first met comes back to his face when she nods.

"Then come on, let's go."

She takes a good look at him and notices a duffel bag over his shoulder.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere safe." he replies without missing a beat. He either doesn't want to tell her, or he actually doesn't know where to take her. But she'll go with him either way - what choice does she have, really?

She catches him stealing one last glance at the poster behind her and points her towards the door. He leads her to an underground garage where a silver Porsche is waiting for them.

"This is yours?" she asks in bewilderment. This guy is full of surprises. 

"Family heirloom." he answers as he places his bag in the trunk.

Rachel quirks an eyebrow at him.

"From the circus?"

There's a hesitancy in her voice. It's the first time she brought that up since their first meeting, but this time it doesn't bother him. He smirks at her in return.

"Not the one you're thinking."

Another thing about him that surprises her is how quick he is to drop the topic. He hadn't ask her once how did she know about all of this. He's a detective, for God's sake - asking question is his job. But he just accepts it. He's okay with the fact she knows something so personal about him. 

She gets into the passenger seat and they drive away into the night, leaving Detroit behind them. She tries again to ask him where they're going, but only gets the same answer in return. She turns to the window and thinks about her mom. About the guy that put a bullet through her brain and whose body is now rotting somewhere in the city. Because of her.

"My mom says there's no such things as monsters." she says out loud, making Dick turn to look at her. "I think she was wrong."

***


	2. You're Gonna Leave Me Too, Aren't You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, surprise! Chapter 2 the next day? Don't get used to it. But I'm too excited about this story and I can't wait to share it with you guys, so I had to give you a little something.  
> This part covers episode 1x02 and has some extra stuff in it.  
> Enjoy!

"You want a hot chocolate or something?"

They're sitting in one of those off road diners the next morning. Rachel doesn't remember when she dozed off but the sun was already up when she woke up as they were entering the parking lot. She's still sleepy but she's trying not to show it. So she avoids making eye contact with Dick the only way she can - by staring out the window.

"Just coffee. Black." she answers him monotonously, not putting much effort into it.

"I bet they have marshmallows."

Why does he have to be so goddamn _nice_? It's getting annoying.

"I'm not a kid, okay?"

He's looking at her for few seconds before turning back to the waitress.

"Okay. Same for the lady."

There it is, again. He just agrees to anything she says, or does. He accepts it without any doubt, without questions. Any other adult would scold her, give her a lecture about how kids her age shouldn't drink coffee and would force her to drink that disgusting hot chocolate. Her mom definitely would.

But not him.

She grabs her mug into her hands and stares at it.

"My mom didn't like me to drink coffee."

Damn it, why did she even say it? More times than not she finds herself revealing more to this man than she should. Trying to mask her embarrassment she reaches for sugar and unceremoniously pours half a cup of it into her coffee.

Dick chuckles and smirks at her.

"Sweet tooth, huh?"

God, he's looking at her like she's a freaking puppy or something. He must think she's adorable. It takes every bit of willpower she has not to roll her eyes at him. 

"Rachel… has anything like… like what happened, ever happened before?"

The detective is back. Rachel figured sooner or later he will ask about what happened. And she was hoping for the later (or third option: never) because that's the last thing she wants to talk about. But there's this voice in the back of her head telling her it's okay to tell him. She doesn't know why, but she trusts that voice. 

"No. Not like that."

She sets her mug back on the table but keeps her hands around it to stop them from shaking. She really should keep her mouth shut, but she finds herself unable to. So she blurts out.

"I didn't mean to kill that guy."

" _How_ did you kill that guy?"

Here it is, the question she's been trying to avoid. How is she supposed explain it to him when she doesn't understand it herself? She takes another sip, trying to hide her face from him and her eyes dart to her reflection in a tissue container on the other table. Her eyes are not black so the other one is quiet. For now at least.

She must've been staring for a little too long because Dick follows her gaze. Then he mentions something about his old friends and figuring out what to do next. So she was right then - he really has no idea what to do with her. That doesn't make her feel any better.

She looks down at her coffee, not sure how to respond.

"You're scared. I get it." he tells her softly. "But sometimes there's no time to be scared."

Sounds like he's speaking from experience. But it's easier said than done.

"Hey." he calls out to her, getting her to look at him. "No one's gonna get you, okay? I promise."

It's very sweet of him to say that but he really shouldn't make promises he might not be able to keep. 

"Where else am I going anyway?" she says instead, because there's really no point in arguing. 

***

They stop for the night in some crappy motel, but at least there's HBO. Dick hands her some money and she gets herself a bunch of snacks, then she settles on the bed and puts on Game of Thrones. She's been a little behind lately, and it was difficult enough to watch this show without her mother noticing. The episode that airs is the one she had seen already but there's nothing better to do. 

Dick says he's gonna get them some pizza and this time there's no stopping the eyeroll when he tells her to not let anyone in. How many times she's supposed to tell him she's not a little kid? She's not stupid.

"Is that Game of Thrones?" he asks suddenly, looking at the tv screen. She doesn't answer him. "Should you be watching that?"

For God's sake, _really_? She looks over her shoulder and glares at him which is enough to shut him up. He's about to leave when she calls out to him.

"Just don't get pineapple on it."

"Obviously."

The moment he's gone, an idea pops up in her head. She jumps of the bed and goes to a small living room. Dick left a briefcase on the table and she's been very curious about it ever since she first saw it, but there's an electronic lock on it so she won't open it. But there's another one on the desk and the light is green so this one must be opened. And it is - it's a computer. Bingo.

She tries to find some information about herself and her mom first but she finds nothing she didn't already figure out. She's been declared missing and they didn't find the killer. And they won't.

So she tries something else.

One article catches her eye when she taps 'Dick Grayson' is search tab. _Circus Family Slain, Sole Survivor Sheltered by Billionaire Philanthropist: Bruce Wayne._

More pieces come together in her head. A detective before 30, drives a Porsche - he's a rich kid. He got lucky after his parents died, good for him.

There's a video footage of what happened that night and it's surreal to watch as your nightmare comes to life on screen. She pauses the video when a clear view of Dick's face shows up. He looks exactly like in her dream. Same eyes, same hair, clothes. Rachel drags her fingers over the screen. This is the boy from the circus. But now that boy has a name. Dick Grayson. The man who saved her life. 

Not for the first time (and not for the last time) she asks herself what does it all mean. How did it happen that she found him? Is it good or bad that she did? Questions on top of questions, but no answers. 

Suddenly there's a beeping sound coming from the device and Rachel startles. It's a fax of a police report. An autopsy of her mom's killer. He's dead but he still haunts her and when her mind (and her other side) decide to play tricks on her, she runs to the bathroom and starts to pray. It's the only way she knows, the only way that ever helps, so she hides in the bathtub, draws little crosses on pieces of paper as tears stream down her face and prays and prays and prays, over and over again, until Dick finds her. She doesn't want him to come closer, she can't hurt him, she can't let _her_ hurt him, but Dick falls on his knees next to her and gathers her in his arms anyway. 

"Nothing bad's gonna happen to you, don't worry." he whispers to her and his soft voice and the feeling of his hands on her back holding her protectively is all it takes for her to calm down. Worry and fear are coming from him in waves, and the wall she previously noticed around his heart slowly starts to fall apart. Cracks are starting to show, she can feel it. 

He pulls her from the bathtub and picks her up like she weighs nothing, but she's too exhausted to argue. He settles her on the bed and covers her with a blanket. The pizza is on the table, but she lost all appetite. She curls herself into a ball while Dick sits down on the edge of the bed. He keeps looking at her, once or twice he even tries to say something but nothing comes out of his mouth. After a long moment he sighs deeply, suddenly looking very tired. He puts his hand on her shoulder briefly, rubbing it comfortingly.

"Get some sleep, Rachel."

He gets up, takes off his jacket and disappears in a bathroom. He comes back after few minutes and, with a spare blanket in his hands, walks over to the couch in the corner. He gives her one last worried glance before turning off the lights and laying down. Rachel tries to stay awake, worried the nightmares will haunt her mind, but she's too tired and soon she's sound asleep.

***

The next morning both of them get in the car and act like nothing happened. Neither mentions that police report, her breakdown or scattered around the bathroom pieces of paper with crosses drawn on them. Rachel doesn't want to talk about it and Dick seems to get the memo because he stays silent. But that doesn't stop him from throwing worried glances at her every now and then for the first hour of driving. The silence is getting harder to bare, so Dick starts to explain he gathered some info about her kidnapper, something about a cult that wants to prevent the end of the world or something.

"Does that mean anything to you?"

She thinks for a moment. Should she tell him? How is she supposed to explain it to him when she doesn't really understand it herself?

"Well, back when I was a kid, you know…" she finds herself saying. "I didn't get too angry, or scared. 'Cause bad things happen."

"What kind of bad things?"

She really doesn't make it any easier for him. But even though he doesn't understand it, he's still curious, he wants to know more, he wants to know _her_ . But should she reveal that part of her to him? She trusts him, she thinks she does at least. So far he hasn't done anything that would make her think twice. But it's too early. This knowledge could be dangerous for him. And to be honest, she _really_ doesn't feel like coming back to painful childhood memories.

So she tries to change the topic.

"I guess I'm an orphan too, now."

She puts emphasis on _too_ , trying to catch his attention. Dick keeps his eyes on the road, not sure how to respond, then turns and offers her a sad but sympathetic smile. Of course.

"That billionaire, Bruce Wayne, he raised you?"

He doesn't seem surprised by her question. He must have seen the search history on his computer, he knows she googled him. Dick sighs tiredly, like he's been over this topic too many times to count, and nods.

"Yeah."

"Must've been cool."

"It was… complicated."

She wonders what he means by that. But it's clear he's not going to tell her anything else on that matter. So she falls silent.

"Does it ever go away?" The question slips from her mouth before she can stop herself. But if there's anyone who can give her an honest answer, it's Dick.

"What?"

"The feeling you got left behind?"

"Yeah." he responds right away, but thinks better of it and adds. "Well, no. Not entirely."

 _That's what I thought_ , she thinks. 

People always left her behind. She couldn't fit in anywhere, she's been always told she doesn't belong. And now she's been left behind be her mother, even if it wasn't the woman's intention. Or maybe it was? Her last words linger in Rachel's head. _I am not your mother_. If Melisa was telling the truth, that means Rachel has been left behind more times than she's been aware of. And the feeling will never go away.

"You're gonna leave me too, aren't you?" she asks him, and she hates how her voice shakes and falters on those last few words. Because why wouldn't he? He doesn't know her, he doesn't have any obligation to her. The fact that he hadn't passed her over to some social worker already is still a mystery to her.

Dick frowns and shakes his head.

"No." he says and turns his head to her, meeting her eyes. "No, I'm not gonna do that."

His eyes focus on the road again and they go back to acting like this entire conversation didn't happen. But Rachel is left breathless. It's not that nobody ever promised her that before. But the warmth of his brown eyes and honesty in his voice, how certain he sounded when he said that. It all made her feel… safe. So she nods and, still a little out of breath, turn back to the window.

She believes him.

***

Hank and Dawn are nice. The guy tends to be a little bit of an asshole, mostly towards Dick (and it seems there must be some good reason behind that) but Dawn is the embodiment of a warm breath of fresh air in the middle of spring with her doe eyes, soft smile and tender voice. She looks like Khaleesi with those long blond hair and she brightens when Rachel calls her that, because Dawn is a GoT fan herself. She takes her out for shopping, then lets her watch the show on their big TV in the living room (they own all seasons on dvd, how awesome is that?).

Everything seems to be going just fine until Hank and Dick get into another stupid fight. She doesn't know why (other than Dick and Dawn had a _thing_ in the past and Hank is not over it) and she doesn't care, she just want them to _stop_. 

She explodes, windows shatter and everyone freezes. All eyes are on her and she runs away, like a spooked animal, to hide in her bedroom. They give her space, letting her be alone for a while, and she wonders if it's because they're taking care of the damages she's caused or because they're afraid of her. It's already dark outside when Dick finally checks on her. 

He knocks before coming in, closes the door behind him and sits down on the edge of her bed. She's hugging her knees to her chest, her head down and she only looks up at him when he's right next to her. 

"I'm sorry." she whispers. "It's getting worse."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Rachel." he tells her tenderly. "I'm the one who should-" 

A knock on the door interrupts him and Dawn comes inside. She glances at Dick, then offers Rachel a warm smile. 

"How you doing, sweetheart?" she asks. Rachel only smiles at her in response, so she continues. "Hank is sorry. He can be a real asshole sometimes." 

Her eyes turn to Dick. 

"We gotta go. Hank and I have that thing."

He gets up and steps closer to her.

"Dawn, I really think you should reconsider." he tells her, his tone serious. "Okay? We both know it's too dangerous."

Bur Dawn only smiles at him, then passes him by, whispering. "You win some, you lose some."

The blond woman bends down and puts a hand on Rachel's arm.

"Take care of him, okay? He needs all the help he can get."

It sounds strangely like a goodbye, but the idea of her, a 13 year old girl, taking care of Dick Grayson seems so ridiculous it makes Rachel smile, really smile.

"Okay."

"She needs your help." she tells Dick when Dawn leaves. "I can feel it." 

He looks up at the ceiling and lets out a sigh, like he's asking God _why me?_

"Isn't that what you do?"

That brings his attention back to her.

"What?"

"You help people." _You helped me. You still do._

"I used to think so." he replies, then, after looking at her intensely for a moment, he sits down and continues. "I used to think it was one of the things that I was best at."

He decides to open up to her and she welcomes the change gratefully. So she leans forward and listens closely. "Until I realized… the more help some needed, the worse I had to hurt the others. Do you understand?"

She thinks of every time she let her other side take over, either willingly or not. She understands, some of it at least.

"Sometimes, when I feel the darkness come out… it feels good."

She's been holding it in for so long that saying it out loud feels somewhat liberating. Part of her is scared of his reaction, ready for judgement and questions, thinking she made a mistake by telling him. But Dick's eyes remain soft when he nods.

"I understand."

"You want to help them." She points out to him. "You're just scared."

She leans forward, locking eyes with him, making sure he's listening. "Sometimes there's just no time to be scared."

***

She finds the letter completely by accident, hidden under a pile of towels on one of the chairs in the living room. A thick white envelope with a load of cash and a note. Rachel's heart breaks with every word she reads. A lump forms in her throat, making it hard to breathe, her head spinning.

Dick is leaving her here. He's ditching her.

She should've known better than to trust him. She had learned long ago she shouldn't trust anyone. But he is the boy from the circus, the one from her dreams, _he saved her_. He must've gotten tired of her, or more probably he's scared of her. 

Part of her expected it. She had a feeling something like this would happen sooner or later. But she truly believed him when he said he won't leave her. 

Damn, he's a one good liar.

Tears spill on her cheeks and she quickly wipes them away, angry at herself for such a reaction. Over the last few days she became attached to that man in more ways than one and that was her first mistake. Suddenly feeling out of air, Rachel turns on her heel and runs to the roof. She stops by the pigeons cage and inhales deeply. But the moment she draws a breath she chokes and a loud sob rips out from her lips. Before she knows it she's on her knees and there's no stopping the wave of tears. 

She cries for her mom. She cries for the boy from her dreams she thought she knew. She cries for herself, because she got fooled again. 

_It's your fault,_ her other side whispers to her. _You scared him away_. 

"I didn't mean to…" she whispers between sobs.

 _So maybe that was his plan all along,_ the voice chirps in her ear. _He was never going to stay, you know that_.

Deep down she does, and it shatters her heart into million pieces.

***

When they come back her tears are gone and she feels numb. 

"Hey, what are you doing up here?" Dick asks her when he finds her. She doesn't respond. She has nothing to say to him. "I was worried."

 _Yeah, right_ she thinks bitterly. _Of course you were_. He walks over to stand next to her but she doesn't spare him even a glance. 

"Rach." he tries again. "What's wrong?"

When she shows him the envelope it feels like she just punched him in the gut. At least he has a decency to feel ashamed. 

"You were gonna leave me here." she says, more of a statement than a question. She wasn't going to say anything to him, but she finds herself unable to stay quiet. "You said you weren't, but you lied."

Saying it out loud makes it all real, there's no taking it back. But there are no tears in her this time. It's only anger and bitterness. Betrayal.

"You must lie a lot. You're good at it."

Hank and Dawn show up and Rachel hands them the letter, then turns away to let them resolve this on their own. She wants nothing to do with any of them, especially after hearing that Dawn knew about Dick's plan and she had agreed to it. 

Suddenly there's a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, Rachel. I was gonna come back for you." Dick whispers to her and it's ridiculous how _sincere_ he sounds. But it's just an act, she knows that now. All of that was just an act.

She covers his hand with her own for a moment, remembering how safe his touch used to feel barely a day before, then she pushes it away.

"Liar." she throws in his face. "You were never coming back for me."

When a strange family of four psychopaths shows up, a fight breaks. Dick urges her to hide and for a moment all her resentment towards him vanishes when she reaches for his hand, begging him not to leave. 

But three against four isn't in their favor this time, Dawn falls, Hank gets knocked out and the creeps find her. Dick is nowhere to be seen. There's noone to save her this time.

***


	3. You Have Me, I'm Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 3! This one covers episodes 1x03 and 1x04 which means ANGST ANGST ANGST with a happy ending. Enjoy!

Kory Anders is cool. She looks like straight out of a cartoon with her magenta curls, shiny purple dress and that giant fur coat. Apparently she lost her memories but she knows she was supposed to find her (why all those strange people are suddenly looking for her?) so they get into a stolen car and drive away, leaving that freakish family behind. Rachel tries to use her ability on her (much to the woman's disagreement) but she can't feel a single thing. Strange.

Kory knows stuff about her, shows her a picture she found in her house and they decide to check out that Saint Paul's place. Things can't get any worse, right?

***

The sisters from the convent seems to know a lot about Rachel, which only brings more questions. But they are kind and they knew her mom, so when she's offered a place to stay, she happily agrees. 

Later Kory takes her out to Scooters Roller Palace, just down the road. 

"That cop you told me about, in Detroit." she starts when they find a free table and Rachel chews on her fries.

"Yeah, Dick. What about him?"

"He's not your father, is he?"

The idea of it makes her feel… weird. Warm and fuzzy, somewhere in the pit of her stomach. She never had a father, but the way Dick acted sometimes… Rachel shakes her head, getting rid of those thoughts.

"No, no. He was just a cop who was trying…" she trails off, because it hurts to think about it. And she doesn't want to, anyway. "It doesn't matter. He didn't really want to help me, anyway."

***

Should she be surprised at this point that he found her? He's literally the last person she wants to see right now. 

"What are you doing here?" she asks him.

"Now is not the time, okay?"

"Why are you here?"

"Can we talk about this somewhere else?" He urges, which only makes her more angry. "Let's go."

He's still set on protecting her, he's still keeping that act, and she wonders why. What's his deal? Yesterday he wanted to ditch her and suddenly he wants to be a knight in shining armor? She doesn't get it. 

He only says that cops are looking for her because they think she killed her own mother. Isn't Dick a cop? Maybe he's just here to hand her over? And they're looking for Kory too. For kidnapping, amongst other things.

"Like I said, she didn't kidnap me." Rachel explains to him, not for the first time. "She saved me. When you didn't."

She's not going anywhere without Kory, she makes that very clear. He's annoyed and tired, she can see that, but she doesn't give a damn.

"Can you please tell me what the hell is going on?"

"You left me." The accusation leaving her mouth works as good as a slap to his face. If he has anything to explain to her, he better does it now, and it better be good. 

"No, I didn't."

"You might as well have. You were going to."

Dick shakes his head and sighs.

"Rachel, I wasn't."

Is he really going to keep denying it?

"I read the note."

"Look-"

"You were just gonna leave me with them?"

"I just needed time to figure things out."

God, this is so pathetic.

"Stop."

"Rachel-"

"STOP LYING!" Her other side screams and the sound shatters windows in every car around them. The alarms starts to beep all around the parking lot. 

"I need to go back to the sisters." she tells them and they agree. Few minutes later they're on their way back to St. Paul's and neither of them says a word the entire drive. 

***

Praying helps. It always have. Whenever Rachel had 'an episode', her mom would kneel with her on the floor and they would pray and pray until she felt okay again. So when they arrive to the convent, Rachel immediately runs to the empty chapel. Dick is right on her tail, but she doesn't care anymore. He's like a shadow she can't get rid of. So she just decides to ignore him for the time being.

He keeps his distance, but she can feel his eyes digging holes in her back. She takes the Bible and, trying to put her mind somewhere else, starts to read random fragments. Everything is quiet for a while, but soon Dick walks over to her, tired of the silence. 

"Rachel."

She looks up at him and shakes her head.

"I don't know what to do."

"What set you off?" he asks. "Were you scared?"

"Was I scared?" she bites back. "I'm  _ always _ scared."

"Listen, I need you to start-"

"What?" she cuts in. "Trust you?  _ Other people can help _ , is that it? No, they can't. They'll just make promises. But in the end, they'll fail. They'll all leave. Just like you."

He's looking at her intensely for a few moments, considering his words. His face is blank, all emotions hidden behind that wall. Except for his eyes. There's fire in them, some sort of anger and… sadness?

"Yeah, you're right." he says and nods, walking closer to her. 

"What?"

He sits down in front of her and looks her in the eyes.

"You're on your own. No one can help you. Not really."

Finally he's saying what he really thinks. She finally got him to tell the truth for once, show his true colors. And it's more painful for her than she imagined. 

"I was just like you once." he admits. "I thought if I leaned on someone, if I trusted them, all the pain would go away. But I was wrong. Anyone that tells you any differently is lying."

Despite knowing this, his words feel like a bucket of ice cold water on her head. His almost brutal honesty makes her shiver. 

"The loss is here for good now. There's no getting over it. But you can control it, you can channel it. No one else can do that for you. Just you."

***

Gar, the boy she met at the roller rink, can turn into a green tiger. What else is new? Her life is getting weirder and weirder day by day and Rachel has a feeling it's just a beginning. She meets him again in the woods after escaping the sisters. He takes her hand and leads the way and somehow Rachel feels safe again. He brings her to his home, where he lives with his 'special' crew, and her explanations about her not being special but dangerous don't even bother him. 

She doesn't understand much, except for what she can see. Gar lives with a tin man, a mummy and an old hollywood movie star who for some reason hasn't aged a day and she can turn into a jello. There's also Chief - a scientist, who 'helped' them all. They're a weird bunch of people, but they welcome her with open arms, and for the first time she feels like she belongs somewhere. Chief offers he can help her, cure her. She agrees at first, because there's nothing more she wishes for than to be normal, but then she's strapped to a bed in some weird lab in the basement of their house, Gar is having second thoughts about this and the doctor is getting more and more sketchy. She changes her mind when she sees the tools he's about to use, but he's not listening to her. Gar tries to help but the man shoots him with a syringe and the boy falls on the floor, unconscious. And that's enough for her to let the demon take over. She takes care of the scientist, but her power gets out of hand and she loses control. Black smoke twirls around her and suddenly something like a portal opens in front of her. A black hole in the matter of the universe, its edges glowing with electricity. She could just step into it, putting an end to all of this. Just one step and it would all be over. She doesn't want to come back to the world, she realizes. Nobody cares about her. Nobody will come and save her, she doesn't want them to. And nobody would miss her.

She's about take a step when a familiar voice calls out to her, pushing through her own screams ringing in her ears.

"Rachel!"

It's not possible. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't have come.

But he did. And now Dick Grayson is standing right in front of her, his hands firmly holding her shoulders. His face is full of worry as he checks her over, looking for any injuries.

"You're going to die." she warns him, but he's not listening. "You need to get out of here before it's too late."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Why does he have to be so goddamn stubborn?

"I don't wanna hurt you." she sobs, and she means it. He should run the hell away from her, for his own good.

"Listen, I was wrong." he tells her. "When I told you no one can help you."

"Dick, you need to leave." she's begging now as tears fall down her cheeks. There's no time for an apology. "Please."

"At the church, when I said you're on your own." he continues anyway. "Okay, I was wrong."

She can feel his thumbs brushing soothing circles on her shoulders. His face is mere inches from hers and there's so much pain and regret in his eyes. The wall he had build up over his heart starts to crumble down, falling apart brick by brick. He's telling the truth, she can feel it.

"You're not on your own. Okay? You have me. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, okay?" his eyes look right into hers and Rachel could swear they're glistening with tears. She can feel a storm of conflicted emotions inside him, but she knows he's being honest. This time he really, truly means what he's saying. "I'm not going anywhere."

He pulls her in, wrapping his arms tightly around her and she shivers against his body. He holds her close and she clings to him desperately, like he's an anchor keeping her alive.

"Here I am." he whispers to her ear. "I'm right here. It's okay."

As she sobs into his shoulder, the portal closes and black clouds disappear. She feels safe inside his embrace, safer than anywhere else. As her cries die down, she reaches into him again. The wall is down and what's behind it is a mess. But there's something between the rubble. It feels familiar, she felt it from him before, just briefly, but she did. She didn't know what it was. It glows bright red and it radiates heat, like ashes left after a bonfire. Some would say the fire already burned out, but she knows it's only starting to ignite. And if she listens closely, she can hear it whisper her name. It's warm, and soft, and safe. She recognizes it now and the discovery takes her breath away.

It's love. 

***


	4. So You're Robin, huh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 4! This one covers the events of episode 5 and 6 of season 1. I also added one moment to ep 6 that in my opinion should've happened on screen but didn't. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it! I'm few chapters ahead, started writing season 2 today so there's definitely more to come. And I already have written what would be my idea of s3 (at least the beginning of it), so basically I have the ending of this fic finished. Have fun reading and stay tuned!

The four of them form an 'alliance' as Dick calls it and they take some time to present to each other what each one of them can do. Dick and Kory's faces are priceless when Gar turns into a tiger in front of them and the sight of Dick Grayson literally hiding behind Kory is so ridiculous Rachel almost bursts out laughing. 

"Okay, so we have Sun Woman and Tiger Boy." Dick says after Gar turns back to his normal self. "There's definitely potential here."

He's right, and his words make her excited. But then Gar says something that puts her excitement down.

"Rachel, you're next."

She immediately shakes her head and steps back.

"No. No, I could hurt someone."

"Hurting people is kind of the idea here." Kory adds, trying to convince her.

"I could hurt one of you."

This is what she's afraid of the most. She cares about these people, more than she thought she would after only knowing them for a few days, and accidentally losing control when they are so close is the last thing she wants to do.

"It's a part of you." Dick tells her. "You gotta stop being afraid of it."

She doesn't know why, but his words are starting to get through to her. But it doesn't make her less scared.

"If something goes wrong-"

"You can do this." he cuts in, looking her in the eyes. He believes in her, he knows she won't hurt them (on purpose at least) and he's not scared. If he says she can do this, then she's willing to try.

They switch places and Dick's eyes never leave her as she walks away from them to maintain safe distance and gets ready. She takes a deep breath, then closes her eyes, trying to reach inside herself and grasp control on what's in there. For a moment nothing happens and she's struggling, only hearing whispers inside her head but not being able to reach anything. But then her eyes turn black and a cloud of dark smoke escapes her lips, twisting and turning in the air. At first she has full control of it, but then there's just too much to control and the smoke slips out of her grasp, as if getting a life of its own.

"Rachel?" Kory calls out to her, her voice a warning. 

"Okay, bring it back in." Dick orders and she wants to listen to him but the smoke is not listening. "Rachel?"

_ Let me take the wheel _ she hears her other side whisper to her.  _ Together we'll show them what we really can do _ .

Suddenly there's a shot of pain piercing through her chest, something that feels like fire, but this is all it takes for Rachel to take back control. She sucks the smoke back in and falls on her knees, breathing heavily. She can hear Dick calling out her name, his voice full of worry, but she tells him to stay back and waits until the storm inside her calms down and the other one goes quiet. She only turns back to her friends when she's sure she's completely herself. 

"I'm fine."

Dick stares back at her, his eyes wide.

"You sure?"

"Did I hurt you?" Kory asks, but Rachel only shakes her head in response.

"I just- I just need a little more practice, that's all." she stutters out when she sees their stunned and worried faces. 

"So, uh… " Gar starts, trying to break the awkward silence that fell between them. "We all did our thing." He turns to Dick. "What's your thing, man?"

Dick's eyes are hard as steel when he answers.

"I can keep you alive."

***

They settle in a motel for the night and Rachel decides to hang out with Gar a little bit before going to her room. They talk and laugh a lot and it's nice to feel normal again, to have someone around her age to talk to, a friend. She never had one so it's a nice change. She can feel Dick watching them from not so far away but chooses to ignore it. His overprotectiveness is annoying sometimes, but she's going to bare with it for the time being. 

Later, after watching some TV in her room for a little bit, she finally starts to feel tired, so she decides to go to sleep. She's just about to turn off the light when she catches another face in the mirror.

_ All your friends are gonna die _ she hisses. Rachel closes her eyes and turns away, breathing slowly and deeply. After few seconds she looks back but only sees her own reflection.

There's no way she'll be able to sleep knowing her other side can come back any second. She could take the mirror down, but it's too big, she won't be able to lift it.

But there's someone who is.

Rachel contemplates the idea for a moment. It will definitely be awkward. The question might raise eyebrows. But she won't sleep until that mirror is out of the way. So she jumps out of bed and walks out of her room.

She finds Dick in the hallway, just as he's about to enter his own room. She stutters with her question, looking down embarrassed, but his face remains soft and he only smiles at her, shrugging. He follows her to her room and gets to work without any questions as she sits down on the edge of her bed.

He sets the mirror down but it is still facing her and she stares at her reflection for a bit before murmuring quietly.

"Could you turn it around, please?"

Again, he does what she says without a word, then turns back to look at her as she mutters a quiet 'thank you'.

She tries stay quiet, but she can't stop the question from coming out of her mouth.

"Aren't you gonna ask me why?"

"It's enough that it bothers you."

So simple. So easy. He'll do anything she says, just to make her feel better. He doesn't need an explanation, her need for comfort is enough. 

She nods slowly, looking down at the mirror. Her mind goes back to earlier today, thinking about how supportive and encouraging he was, how again, he didn't need any explanation, she said she was okay and he took it. 

"You really think I can learn to control my powers?" she finds herself asking, because after what just happened, she has a hard time believing it. 

The corner of his mouth goes up in a smirk and he's looking at her in that weird (but not bad) way that makes her feel warm inside. His eyes spark with certainty and honesty when he replies.

"I do."

He's just about to leave, when Rachel speaks again, making him stop.

"You need to show us."

He turns to her, confused, and puts his hands in his pockets.

"Show you what?"

"What you can do." she explains and he looks down, thinking about it. "You need to show us. Them." she specifies. "Me."

He looks back her and seems to be considering it, but then he just sighs and smiles softly at her.

"You should get some rest."

She has no other choice but to listen.

***

The nuclear family finds them again but this time they are able to hold them off. Especially after Dick shows up out of nowhere in a mask and a cape.

Rachel's eyes go wide in shock when the smoke clears.

"Dick?"

"That's Robin!" Gar whispers to her excitedly, smiling bigger than she had ever seen him before. 

Robin.  _ The _ Robin. One of Gotham's most famous vigilantes. Batman's right hand. 

Suddenly all his skills, knowledge and connections make sense to her. 

Her boy from the circus is a fucking  _ superhero _ . 

His fighting style is violent, brutal even, but it doesn't take away from its effectiveness. Rachel, Gar and Kory join him, helping however they can and soon all four psychopaths are tied up and being interrogated by them.

She finds Dick in the parking lot, going through their car, trying to find any leads.

"So you're Robin, huh?" she asks, her arms crossed over her chest. "That's your big secret?"

"I was gonna tell you."

_ Oh yeah, sure you were _ , she thinks, but only nods in response. Dick keeps talking either way.

"Look, when I was in Detroit, I was planning on leaving Robin behind."

"No luck, huh?" she figures. "Why?"

"When I put on that mask… when I put it on I become someone… someone I can't control." He looks her in the eyes and the pure honesty and anguish she finds in his gaze make her heart break for him. There's so much pain he's holding inside. "Someone that likes hurting people."

"I know the feeling." she replies to which him smiles sadly at her.

"I know you do."

Another thread of mutual understanding forms between them. Every day she finds more and more things that connect them, that make them similar to one another. Sometimes, like right now, it almost feels like they are each other's reflections. Like they are one and the same, just split between two bodies. 

They don't even notice Gar approaching them until he speaks.

"So, uh… Batman. You know him?"

Rachel rolls her eyes, grinning.

"Of course he knows Batman."

Gar is beaming from excitement while Dick looks like he can barely stop himself from laughing.

"Are we gonna see him?" the boy asks and Rachel can only shake her head in amusement. "I'd really like to meet Batman."

"No, you're not." Dick's answer is plain and simple and ends the conversation. He turns back to the car, but then Kory comes up to them.

"Any luck?" she asks and Dick turn towards her. 

"I'm gonna find out who's running this freak show."

"Yeah, I'll come with you."

There's something in the way they're talking to and looking at each other that makes Rachel do a double take. Something has changed between them. A theory grows in her head and that sudden thought makes her turn away for moment so they can't see her blushing. If  _ this _ is what happened between them, things might get a lot more interesting. 

"Kory, no killing." Dick asks her. "Please. There's been enough."

He's just about to get into the car when Rachel speaks. 

"I thought we weren't splitting up."

The fact that he's leaving again gives her anxiety. She's aware this is only temporary, that he's just going to check the lead, but there's a part of her that is scared the same thing that happened in D.C. is happening again.

He had promised her he won't leave her but she needs to be sure. Just in case.

Dick seems to know exactly what she's thinking, because his gaze softens when he looks back at her and a warm smile appears on his face.

"I'm coming back." he assures her. "I promise."

_ I am not leaving you _ , his eyes try to say. And she believes him. 

He's waiting for her response, so she nods slowly.

"Keep them safe." he tells Kory, then gets in the car and drives away.

_ Be careful _ , she thinks as she's watching the car leave the parking lot.  _ And hurry _ .

***

The next day Kory tells them Dick is in Chicago and they are going to meet with him there. He's not coming back, but they are going to him, so that's good enough. They arrive at a luxurious looking 'safe house' apparently owned by Bruce Wayne and they find Dick with a 'not important' kid named Jason Todd (who is also Robin and this whole thing gives Rachel a headache). She and Gar are told to wait in the main area with Jason while Kory and Dick disappear in the bathroom where dr Adamson is held.

Dick comes back after around fifteen minutes to find the three of them on the couch, Gar and Jason already immersed in a conversation about video games and her laying on her back, staring at the ceiling.

"Rachel, can I talk to you for a second?"

He gives the boys one look and they immediately get the message. They get up from the couch and leave, Jason saying something about showing Gar the 'control room', whatever that means. Once they're gone, Rachel sits up slowly, looking up at Dick. He seems… nervous. He keeps his hands in his pockets but she can still see his fists are clenched. He looks tense, staring down at his boots, his lips pressed in a thin line.

"Something wrong?" she asks quietly.

He lets out a deep sigh and sits down next to her. He's silent for a moment, not knowing how to start and Rachel grows worried. Did he find out something that will complicate things? Are they in danger?

"Is it about this doctor?"

"No, it's not. Kory is taking care of it." he replies, still looking down. But after a second he lifts his head to glance at her, then turns to her completely so they can face each other. "It was brought to my attention that someone is hunting down people I used to know to get to me." he tells her, his eyes serious. "People from the circus."

Oh.  _ Oh _ . He's talking about the ones he knew as a kid. People he grew up with. That's awful.

When she stays silent, Dick continues.

"There's a man that's very important to me, he was my parents' best friend. His name is Clay. He lives nearby and I want to go check on him and maybe get to the bottom of this, but it might take a while, so I would have to go away for a couple of days."

"Okay… and?" she asks, not exactly sure where this conversation is going.

He locks eyes with her and his gaze turns soft.

"I just wanted to know if you'll be okay with me leaving again for a while." He admits and her heart does a weird loopy thing in her chest. "I know I promised not to leave you, and I'm not, I swear-"

"Dick, it's fine." she interrupts him, grabbing his hand. She scoots closer to him and smiles. "It's about someone important to you, of course I'm okay with it." 

She squeezes his hand comfortingly and he squeezes back, smiling at her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." she confirms. "I'll stay here with Gar and Kory. Go, we'll be okay."

He looks at her for a long moment, considering it, then sighs and nods.

"Okay." a smirk appears on his lips and he tilts his head her way. "Now come here."

Rachel happily accepts the invitation and throws herself in his arms with a quiet laugh. It warms her heart to know that he cares so much about her feelings. She can feel him pull her close to his chest and she rests her head on his shoulder, snuggling to him. His hugs are the best thing in the world, there's literally nothing better than being wrapped in his strong arms. 

"I'll be back as soon as I can, Rach. I promise." he whispers to her ear, his breath warm against her cheek.

"I know you will. Just be careful, okay?"

His grip on her tightens and she can feel him smile.

"You got it."

***


	5. You Promised You'd Never Leave Me (Yeah, I Guess I Did)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 5! This chapter covers episodes 1x07 and 1x08 which have one of my favorite scenes in season 1. Thank you to everyone who tuned in, left cudos and bookmarked. See you soon with chapter 6 and enjoy!

After Adamson wakes up, he announces he won't be talking to anyone but Rachel. Dick, obviously, doesn't like that idea at all. But she needs to know why this man is after her, what does he want from her. Dick doesn't trust him (rightfully so) but he trusts her (and he can't say 'no' to her no matter how hard he tries, which works to her advantage) so he gives her five minutes with the doctor.

Five minutes in which he plays a game with her head and almost scares her to death when he slits his own throat with a shattered glass and pushes her to use an ability she didn't even know she had and heal him.

Kory has to physically restrain Dick from murdering the doctor when Rachel comes back from the bathroom shaking like a leaf, blood dripping from her trembling fingers. So he takes care of her first, checking her all over in case of injuries and listening to her stuttering voice explaining what happened as he washes the blood from her palms with his gentle hands. Then he and Kory disappear in the bathroom again, closing the door behind them and Rachel can only imagine what they are doing to Adamson, considering how much effort they had to put into keeping their fury at bay in front of her and Gar.

The news they bring her almost knocks her out of her feet.

Her birth mother, Angela Azarath is alive, kept prisoner in some kind of mental facility. 

Rachel wants to go, she wants to act, because there's no time, they need to get her out now. But Dick says otherwise, pulling the adult card on her and telling her to stay put because this could be a trap and they can't risk their lives working on unconfirmed information. 

But Gar agrees with her (even if he made it seem like he didn't) and soon the two teenagers sneak out of the apartment, going on a mission on their own.

Bad idea.

Yes, she finds her mother. But she leads her friends right into a trap and Adamson makes her watch as they are being tortured. 

Adamson wants her to stop fighting? Fine. She lets her other side take over and soon he's laying in a puddle of his own blood, because what she had given him she was able to take away just as easily.

After her mom and Gar are out of their cells, they find Dick in isolation, strapped to a chair, unresponsive. The view is truly terrifying. She had never seen him so helpless. So defeated. And she never wants to see him that way again.

Gar suggests they must have given him drugs.

"They may have broken him, Rachel." her mother whispers behind her. But she doesn't want to listen to them. There has to be a way to wake him up, to reach him. She has to try, no matter what. It's her fault he's even here.

"Dick." she calls to him, shaking his arm. "It's me. I need you to hear me."

His brown eyes are unmoving, staring blindly at nothing. He looks dead and the thought pushes the air out of her lungs. A lump rises in her throat, her eyes are burning. She can't lose him, she can't.

"You are stronger than them." she tries again. "You are stronger than anyone I've ever met. And now we have to get out of here. We can't do that without you."

It doesn't work, nothing she says gets through to him and Rachel grows even more scared. The thought of losing him, the first person in her life who truly cared about her, it's unbearable. A lone tear escapes her eye, splashing on his cheek. Her grip on his arm tightens and in another desperate attempt she reaches inside his mind, trying to find something, anything to hold on to. But she only finds emptiness and silence.

"You promised!" she cries out, shaking him, and she could swear that for a moment his eyes focused on her face. "You promised you'd never leave me. You promised…"

_ Please, Dick _ she begs inside his mind.  _ Don't leave me. Come back to me, please. _

The fire inside his heart starts to whisper her name quietly, making her feel warm and safe again. And Dick's hoarse, broken voice is the best, most beautiful melody she had ever heard.

"Yeah, I guess I did."

He offers her a weak smile and Rachel almost crumbles down in relief. He's back, he came back to her. Gar helps her get him out of the chair and together they put him back on his feet. He's not in the best condition, but he can walk on his own and that will have to do for now.

They get to Kory and leave this hell burning behind them, all the monsters dead inside. Rachel sits with her mom in the backseat of their car, clutching her hand and she can feel Dick's eyes watching them in the mirror. She catches a glance of his reflection and when their eyes meet, he smiles softly. Slowly he reaches out to her, sneaking his arm between the seats and she gratefully takes his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

_ Are you okay? _ she asks with her touch.

He gives her one squeeze back.

_ I am. _

His thumb brushes her knuckles gently.

_ Are you? _

She turns her palm in his grasp, entangling her fingers with his. 

_ I'm fine. _

She glances at her mom, then looks back at him in the mirror.

_ We both are. _

They don't speak another word to each other for the rest of the ride, and when they finally get to the apartment, all of them immediately head into their respective bedrooms. But before Rachel can close the door behind her, Dick grabs her hand and pulls her to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

"I'm glad you're okay." he whispers into her hair and she nods against his chest.

"I'm glad you're okay, too." she mumbles into his shirt. "And I'm sorry. It was my fault you-"

"It's okay." he soothes, leaning away. "We got out in one piece, more or less. That's all that matters."

He glances at the door behind her and smiles back at her, but for some reason his face looks sad. The smile doesn't reach his eyes, it's almost like he's trying to hide what he really feels. Or maybe it's the rest of those awful drugs still running through his veins. She's too tired to think about it now. 

"Go to your mom." he whispers and this time there's no denying a sad undertone in his voice. "You two have some catching up to do."

Despite her worries, Rachel smiles at him. 

"Yeah, I guess so. Goodnight, Dick."

"Goodnight, Rach."

***

He's leaving again.

Rachel is not sure exactly how she knows it, but she does. She wakes up with a tight knot in the pit of her stomach and she can't shake away this feeling no matter how hard she tries. Her mom (her  _ real mom _ , the woman who gave birth to her) is still asleep next to her, so Rachel quietly gets up from the bed, gets changed and walks down to the kitchen. On her way she passes other bedrooms and she can hear Dick and Kory's muffled voices from behind one of the doors. She's not sure what's going on between these two, but she's happy that after what happened yesterday they were able to find comfort in each other.

She's the first one to wake up so she decides to make breakfast for everyone. Unfortunately, scrambled eggs and bacon is the only thing she really knows how to make (with Gar's help once he shows up), so it'll have to do. When they eat, her mom compliments her cooking skills and Dick gives her that look that makes her heart flip in her chest. Part of her feels bad for such a reaction, because it's her mom who should be making her feel this way. He wants to say something to her, but Angela starts talking at the same time, and Dick, being the gentleman he is, lets her go first. The woman reveals she owns a house in Ohio, a place where they could go and start over and everyone's invited, whoever wants to come. 

"This could be like our secret base. This is so cool, isn't it?" Gar jokes and they all laugh. But Rachel can see there's something off about Dick. That uncomfortable knot shows up in her stomach again. It's time to test her theory.

"Isn't it, Dick?" she asks and when he looks back at her with regret in his eyes, his chest deflating, she knows. 

It hurts, but not as much as she would've thought. She should've seen that coming, and maybe part of her did. She has her mother back now, someone that can take care of her permanently, give her a real home, not some shitty motel or a borrowed safehouse. And Dick probably feels that it's time to back away, that he's not needed anymore. She doesn't have to use her powers on him to know that. The thing is - he's wrong. She still needs him, which surprises even her. Yes, she has her mom back and she can start over, have a normal life again. But she wants him to be a part of it, too. 

But Dick Grayson has his own life. Life he wants to come back to. Problems he needs to deal with on his own. She can't deny him that.

She excuses herself from the table and starts washing the dishes. There's a dishwasher build into the counter, but doing it manually will keep her thoughts occupied, let her focus on something else. She's not that lucky, though, because Dick approaches her few minutes later.

"Rachel, can we talk about this?"

"What's there to talk about?" she asks back and it comes out harsher than she intended it to. "We all knew we would go our separate ways once this is all over, right?"

"I-"

"Please, don't." she says, feeling her eyes burning with tears. "Just go, if you have to. I'll be fine." She turns back to the sink, ignoring him. 

"I'm sorry." he whispers behind her back and slowly walks away. She's watching his reflection in a tiled wall in front of her and the sight of him being so… defeated shatters her heart. 

Her tears fall into the sink right before Dick disappears behind the corner. 

***

An hour later they are all walking him out to his car. He's all ready to go, duffel bag on his shoulder. He mentioned he's going to visit his old friend who lives on the other side of the city. He tries to talk to Rachel, but she turns her head away. It's too hard. 

But when he's done talking with Kory, she can't take it anymore.

"Wait!" she calls out to him and breaks into a sprint, throwing herself at him when he turns. Dick stumbles backwards, surprised, but his arms wrap around her nonetheless, holding her tightly.

"Asshole." she teases him and he smiles back at her. All is right between them, they're parting on good terms.

"You sure you're gonna be okay?" he asks, but Rachel can hear what he doesn't say between the lines.

_ If you want me to stay, just say it. _

She does want him to stay. But she understands that she has to let him go. She's with her mom, she's gonna be okay. And she has his number, she can always call him if she needs to.

"What do you think?"

_ I'll be fine. You can go. _

He smiles at her, then looks back at the rest of them one last time before walking to his car and driving away.

And Rachel has no idea that without him nothing is going to be okay.

***


	6. We Were Supposed To Save Each Other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 6! We're closing out season one and entering season 2 (which is a nightmare for me to go through and analyze the scenes from Rachel's pov because there's so much fucking pain there...). Anyway, hope you enjoy and see you soon with chapter 7 (which is very special and fun and fluffy so get ready). Bye!

She just wanted to help Kory get her memory back - that's all. She was careful, she told Kory to stop her if anything feels wrong. But just when she was about to do that, everything fell apart.

And now Gar is on the floor, knocked out and Kory has her manicured hands pointed at her ready to blast, her eyes burning with literal fire. Rachel hides in her mother's arms but there's no way to hide from what's coming.

Then a glowing rope rounds around Kory's neck and there's a dark haired woman standing behind her. She yanks the rope - no, a lasso - and puts Kory down in a series of short, swift moves. And as Rachel gets back on her feet and looks around, suddenly she feels like she can breathe again, because  _ Dick is here too. _ He helps Gar get up from the floor, then immediately checks on her, looking for injuries. She can't help but see him now as a guardian angel, showing up whenever she needs him the most. If she could, Rachel would throw herself back into his arms right this second, but her knees are shaking and her mom's grip on her is tight and desperate and it's clear she won't let her go anywhere. So she stays still, watching Kory wake up and having no recollection of what just happened. 

"You tried to kill Rachel." Dick reminds her and the coldness of his accusatory tone shakes Rachel to her core. He had never talked to Kory like that before. 

The woman declares she would never do that and something in her sincere expression makes Rachel believe her but when Kory gets up and tries to approach her, she jumps behind Dick and her mom, who both are quick to move to the front and shield her from danger. 

Eventually, after muttering an apology, Kory leaves, Dick and the other woman (his old friend, Donna) following her and when they're gone, Rachel crumbles.

Everything that happens later feels like a horrific nightmare she can't wake up from.

***

When Dick walks in through the front door, all Rachel wants to do is scream. 

_ Go! _ She shouts in her mind.  _ Leave before he hurts you too! _

But with one snap of Trigon's fingers her guardian angel freezes in place, unable to move. His eyes find hers and he whispers her name, but before she can even react, her father takes full control over him and Dick's eyes turn black.

"Let him go!" she cries and attacks but she's powerless against the demon. Her own parents, the people who should love her the most, used her, treated her only as a tool to bring their plan into motion. They abuse her to give them what they want, they try to break her heart and spirit by making Dick chase her and Gar around the house like in some kind of a horror movie. She keeps telling herself this is not him, because Dick would never do this to them, but it's his voice coming from around the corners and behind doors, a voice that used to be so caring, gentle and soft, now drips with venom and cruelty, and its sick, twisted whisper sends shivers down her spine. 

_ But it's not him _ , she reminds herself.  _ This is not Dick. _

The same thing happens to the rest of her friends when they enter the house. Even Hank, Dawn and Jason showed up, but they are no match against Trigon's power and there's nothing she can do when they all surround Gar and start throwing kicks and punches, beating her best friend to the ground.

But she's sure as hell gonna try.

She runs to Dick and grabs his arm, trying to get through to him. He's still inside, he has to be, he will listen.

"Dick, please listen to me!" she begs. "Back in Detroit, remember? It was just you and me, and I found you and I asked you for help, and you said yes!"

Her voice breaks, her throat tightens, tears are clouding her vision. The day she found him changed both of their lives forever. It's the one memory that burns hot and bright inside her mind. It was special and if it's not enough to bring him back, then it's over for them.

"You said you would, you said you would…" Rachel sobs, sounding more and more desperate. She needs him to wake up,  _ now _ . "You promised… And if you can hear me now, please help me."

But there's no use. Dick looks at her, but all she sees in his eyes is the same darkness she had always seen only in her own reflection before. He lifts Gar from the ground like the boy is just a puppet and throws the final blow, sending Gar on the carpeted floor, unconscious. 

This is the moment Trigon gets what he wanted. This is the moment Rachel's heart breaks into a million little pieces. And when her father rips it out of her chest, she welcomes darkness like a long, lost friend. 

***

In between that moment and Gar bringing her back, everything is a blur. She remembers bits and pieces, but there's no time for that now. Not when Dick is still under Trigon's control. She has to do something about it. She needs to get him back first.

"You reached me." she tells Gar, thinking out loud. "There has to be a way to reach him."

"I think maybe we're past that." her friend whispers to her, his voice broken and raspy because of the injuries he has received. But Rachel already has a plan hatching in her head.

"No." she shakes her head, thinking. "This started with a dream I had about him. Before all this. I was supposed to find him. That's what the dream was telling me."

Everything falls into place, like missing puzzle pieces. 

"My dream was the key." she realizes, already knowing what to do. "It's all in the dreams."

She walks up to him and grabs his hand, making him turn to her. His black, hollow eyes bore into her, but she's not scared. 

"What happened to you?" she asks, demanding an honest answer. "Remember."

She pushes through the darkness, looking for that warmth, that fire, that love he carries inside and forces herself into his mind. 

She finds herself in the Batcave. She wouldn't know that, but her mind is connected to his now, so she remembers everything that happened here, how and why it happened. Thankfully none of it was real and now she has to make Dick believe that as well. He's standing few feet away from her, facing away, looking down at the body laying at his feet. Rachel takes one deep breath, the calls out his name.

"What's with the new look?" he asks mockingly. His voice is cold and so unlike him, but Rachel stands strong. It's not Dick, it's Trigon speaking through him.

"I could ask you the same question." she answers back, unbothered. She's not scared of him. She could never be.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came here to save you."

Dick scoffs and looks back at the body.

"Do I look like I need saving?"

"Yes, you do." She won't go without a fight. She will drag him out of here by the collar of his jacket if she has to. "What just happened, what you just did, it was all planned by Trigon. He's been pulling the strings the entire time. Dick, you would never kill Batman."

Rachel says it with full certainty, yet his next words make her shiver.

"Are you kidding? I've been dreaming about this since I was 12 years old. My only regret is waiting for so long."

Yes, he had fallouts with his adoptive father, she knows that. But this cannot be true. Time to take a slightly different approach.

"You taught me how to let go of the darkness." stepping closer to him she starts again, her voice gentle but firm. "You have to let it go, too."

"I have a better idea." he moves forward and his face is mere inches from hers when he hisses in distorted voice. "Shut your fucking mouth."

"This isn't you." she tells him. Dick Grayson she knows would never act this way towards her. She knows him, she knows his heart, she can see right through all of this darkness. "I had a dream about you."

He scoffs again. "What dream?"

"I saw you at the circus." This information seems to stir something in him, surprises him. So she continues. "The boy from the circus. That's how I found you. We're supposed to save each other."

For a moment she thinks she has him. But then his hand shoots forward, faster than an attacking snake, and his fingers wrap tightly around her neck. It hurts, but it gives Rachel the right push and opportunity for her last option. She puts her hand around his wrist and this time she pulls him inside her mind, right into her dream.

They are back in the circus again, stand opposite each other on two platforms, high above the stage.

"I'm coming to you." she tells him, her voice echoing through the empty space. "But if I die here, I die for real. Is that what you really want?"

For her the answer is simple. Dick would never hurt her, he would never let anything happen to her.  _ He loves her _ . But Trigon's hold on him is stronger than she originally thought, so she can't be sure if what she's going to do will work. But she has to try. She trusts Dick. She trusts him with her life. 

She grabs the handle and looks at him again, trying to calm the nerves. There's a chance she might die. But if she succeeds, she will get him back, see his smile again, feel his arms around her, holding her tightly. She'll be whole again.

Rachel takes one last breath and jumps. When she's exactly in the middle of the distance between them, she releases the handle from her hands and starts falling. Everything around her slows down. She can feel her ragining heartbeat, even though her demonic father ripped it out of her chest. She's falling and falling, closer to the ground with each second. And for one, horrifying moment, she thinks. 

_ It's not gonna work. _

But then two strong hands grasp her wrists, holding tightly and she's looking right into Dick's face, upside down. They swing like that in the air and Rachel smiles happily when his eyes turn back to normal, the darkness disappearing. She did it, she brought him back. Now it's time to go back to the real world. 

She grips his wrists tighter and pulls them both out. When she wakes they are back at the house and she's looking right into Dick's warm, brown eyes.

"I've missed you." she tells him, not able to contain her happiness. 

"Rachel…"

"Welcome back."

His smile is the most amazing thing she had ever seen. Yet it's not the same smile he had given her before. There's so much pure happiness in it, so much love in his eyes. It's the softest, most affectionate expression she had ever seen him wear. 

Before she knows it, Dick pulls her right into his arms, hugging her tightly. His hand goes up to cradle her head, pressing it gently into the crook of his neck, right under his chin. His fingers run through her hair, stroking it slowly and Rachel closes her eyes, snuggling her face against his neck. His hold on her is strong and fierce, and only when Rachel hugs him back, squeezing tightly, Dick releases a sigh of relief. The fire she ignited in his heart burn bright, making her feel warm and safe. He's here, he's with her, so everything is gonna be alright.

They pull back from each other when Gar enters the room, coughing.

"What happened?" he asks while putting on his shirt.

"Dick can fill you in." she tells him. "I think I need a minute alone with my father."

She looks back at Dick, searching for encouragement in his eyes and finds exactly that. She's scared but he believes in her, and when he nods, agreeing to whatever she's going to do, she knows she can do it. She will bring their friends back and get rid of the demon. 

Trigon is strong, but Rachel is stronger. Because she has her friends, her  _ family _ with her, because she's loved and accepted for who she is.

"Thank you for showing me who my family really is." she tells him before a black cloud of smoke envelopes them both. The red gemstone on her forehead glows and, with the power he gave her himself, she sends Trigon right into oblivion.

When she emerges from the cloud of smoke and dust, Dick is already running her way. He slows down when they meet in the middle of the field, his eyes never leaving her. He's taking in all the changes, checking if she's okay. And while normally his overprotective nature gets on her nerves sometimes, this time it's the thing she loves the most. So, with a huge smile on her face, she throws herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She surprises him, but he hugs her back immediately, as if on pure instinct.

"You okay?" he asks when she pulls away.

"Yeah." she breathes out, nodding. "Yeah, I think so." and after taking another deep breath, she asks. "You?"

"I am now."

He pulls her to him again and this time they melt into each other. His arms are wrapped tightly around her back, holding her protectively and she smiles against his shoulder. He feels like home, and there's nothing better than that right now.

They hold each other until the rest of their friends joins them and Dick reluctantly releases her so Gar and Kory can hug her as well.

An hour later she's in the car with Dick, Gar and Jason, joking and laughing like nothing happened. Everyone got through their own personal hell, but they try to leave it in the back of their heads for now. Dick is doing everything to keep her thoughts away from the day's events, distracting her, making her smile and laugh at his stupid jokes. She has no idea where they're going, but as long as she's with him, she doesn't care. 

They make a stop in Gotham of all places, and Jason is not happy with the fact that he has to stay in a motel with her and Gar. But Dick insists that he has to talk to Bruce alone and he's not gonna risk leaving them alone in the middle of Gotham - Jason is their next best option of protection. 

When Dick comes back, there's something different about him. It's almost like some heavy weight has been taken down from his shoulders and since she's been in his head she has a vague idea where the change is coming from. And she likes it.

With a mischievous grin Dick announces he's taking them to San Francisco and without further explanation tells them to get in the car. Honestly, only Dick Grayson can pull something like that.

The next day they arrive at the luxurious apartment and the view is breathtaking. She had never seen such a beautiful place. They are on the 32nd floor, so they can perfectly see the city from all the huge windows in the main area. Gar and Jason run away in opposite directions to see more, but Rachel only steps forward slowly, to the windows, captivated by the sight. She can feel Dick's eyes on her, watching her closely, but she can't make herself look away.

He joins her after a moment, his arms crossed over his chest as he admires the city.

"What is this place?" she finally asks, raising an eyebrow at him. He glances at her with a smile.

"Home."

Is he serious? They will live here? Together?

Dick Grayson is giving her a home. A place to start over. A new beginning. And he's not leaving. He's keeping his promise. And Rachel couldn't be happier.

***

Few hours later, after picking their bedrooms and settling in, Rachel wanders to the balcony in the great room. Night has already fallen and the view of blinding city lights in the dark is taking her breath away. A gust of wind ruffles her hair, making her body shiver, but she can barely notice it. Her mind is elsewhere. She doesn't know what to feel,  _ how _ to feel about what happened. She knows they can't just act like everything is okay, because it's definitely not, but at the same time she wants to lock those memories away and never come back to them again. Unfortunately the red gem on her forehead won't let her forget, doesn't matter how hard she tries. 

Since the moment she discovered her powers, Rachel wanted to know where they came from. Now that she knows, all she wants to do is get rid of them. She never wanted them in the first place, but now the urge to just… rip it out, like her father did with her heart, is even bigger. Because this curse was just a tool, a small part of a great scheme to take over the world. But the danger is gone now, so why the curse is still here, running through her veins like a poison? Trigon is gone, her powers should be gone too. She should be  _ normal _ .

Someone bumps her shoulder, bringing her back to reality. She looks to her right and sees Dick standing next to her with that bright smile of his plastered to his face. 

"Hey, what are you doing out here alone?" he asks and leans on the railing. Rachel glances at him and shrugs.

"Needed some time to think."

He follows her gaze to the view in front of them. It takes another few minutes for him to speak again.

"You okay?"

She chuckles and rolls her eyes, but can't stop a smile from spreading across her face. He's always worried. Typical.

"Yes, Dick. I'm fine." she laughs. "Seriously, how many times do I have to tell you-"

"No, I mean- I know. I know you're okay." he cuts in. "But… How are you feeling?"

Oh. He's asking about  _ that _ . Right. She should've figured. She turns her face towards him to only find concern in his eyes. She sighs deeply, trying to get rid of the sudden lump in her throat.

"Confused, mostly." she admits. "I thought that when it's all over I'll be normal. I didn't expect to get-" she brushes her fingers over that red gemstone on her forehead. "-an upgrade."

Dick chuckles under his breath.

"If it wasn't for this  _ upgrade _ , we all would be dead right now." he tells her. "I just wish Trigon wouldn't have to rip your heart out for it. Thankfully I wasn't awake to see that."

He's still smiling but for a moment she can see pain and sadness clouding his eyes.

" _ Thankfully _ I managed to wake you up." 

They smile at each other and silence falls between them again for a few minutes.

"It was very clever, what you did." he says and she looks at him. "How you pulled me out. It was risky, but you did it anyway."

"I knew you wouldn't let me fall."

His gaze softens and he reaches out, taking her hand. She turns her palm upward to entwine her fingers with his.

"I'm sorry for the way I treated you in there." he whispers so quietly she wouldn't be able to hear him if she wasn't so close. He looks down at their hands, unable to meet her eyes. "You have to know that I would  _ never- _ "

"Dick, I know." she assures him, squeezing his hand. "It wasn't you. It was all him. Don't worry."

He nods and squeezes back. Rachel leans her head on his shoulder, relishing in his closeness and warmth.

"You know, you never told me about that dream." Dick murmurs to her, his voice low. Rachel smiles against his shoulder.

"You never asked." 

She leans away and they turn to face each other. Dick takes her other hand and starts stroking it gently with his thumb, drawing soothing circles. 

"This is how you knew about… ?"

"Yeah."

"So when we met, in Detroit…" he wonders out loud but she finishes the sentence first.

"I had no idea it's going to be you walking into that room." she admits. "I had no idea you were even real. Up until that point it was just a dream for me."

Dick raises an eyebrow at her, confused.

"Then how did you know it was me?"

She thinks for a moment.

"I… every time I had this dream, I could always feel everything you felt." she explains. "I could never read your parents, but I could always read you. I felt everything. After a while I got so used to your presence it felt like those feelings were my own. Like we were in sync." She looks down at their hands, thinking. "When you walked in I felt the same thing. I knew it like the back of my hand. And then you told me your name and everything just fell into place."

He looks at her, puzzled.

"You said 'every time'... for how long exactly this was happening?"

Rachel shrugs again.

"I don't know… months? I don't remember the first time I had it, but it happened pretty often."

Dick releases a breath, his eyes wide in surprise. 

"So you had a dream about me for months before we even met…"

"And that dream led me to you." she adds with a smile and steps closer, wrapping her arms around his waist and snuggling her head right under his chin. His strong arms immediately close around her, hugging her tight, and she can feel his steady heartbeat under his shirt. She closes her eyes when his hand comes up and he starts running his fingers through her hair. 

"Yeah, I guess people bound by fate always find their way to each other in the end." he whispers softly into her hair and she squeezes him tighter. She loves being in his arms. It's like a sanctuary she can always escape to. The only place in the world where she feels loved and protected. And to think she had almost lost it forever, all because… 

"I'm sorry." she murmurs quietly, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. His hand freezes on her head and he leans away a little to look at her.

"For what?"

"If it wasn't for me none of you would be in this mess. None of you would fall victim to Trigon's games. It's my fault he-"

"No." Dick interrupts her, tilting her chin up so she could meet his eyes. "It wasn't your fault, Rachel."

"But I brought him back." she argues and her voice cracks. Dick brings his other hand up and cups her face, brushing his fingers across her cheeks.

"Listen to me carefully." he starts, his voice gentle but firm. "He used you. He manipulated you to get what he wanted. None of it has been, is or will ever be your fault." His eyes stare deeply into her own, his face only inches from hers. "I don't ever want to hear you apologize for who you are. Not to me, not to anyone else. You're special. You should never be sorry for that."

Rachel shakes her head as first tears start to fall, splashing on Dick's fingers.

"I'm not special."

"To me, you are."

He pulls her to him and softly presses his lips to her forehead. Rachel closes her eyes at the touch, holding her breath. The tenderness of the kiss spreads warmth all over her body, covering her like a soft blanket. She wishes she could freeze time and stay like that forever. He lingers there for a bit longer, like he wants to cherish this moment as long as it lasts as well, then pulls away. But she's not letting him go far, instantly pressing herself back against his chest. His arms circle around her once again and she can feel him smile when he buries his face in the crook of her neck. The fire is burning warm and bright inside his heart, the flames dancing to the tune of her name.  _ I love you _ , she thinks and melts deeper into his embrace. One day she'll tell him that out loud. One day.

"It's getting late, Rach. You should go and get some sleep." he mumbles into her hair after a while, and as if on cue, Rachel yawns. 

"Yeah, I think I should."

She steps away from him, suddenly feeling cold, not just from the wind. He smiles at her softly as she retreats back inside, waving at him.

"Goodnight, Dick."

His smile grows.

"Goodnight, Rach."

***


	7. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 7! This one is entirely of my creation, based on my headcanons, and it covers the three months of time jump after they came to San Francisco. Warning: it's fully as hell. Enjoy and seen you soon on chapter 8!

The first week is… weird. It will definitely take some getting used to this new normal. Every morning she walks in to the kitchen to find Dick already making them breakfast. They all eat together and Gar has to crack a joke to get rid of the awkward tension, soon all of them are laughing, or more often Gar and Jason start their typical bickering to which Rachel can only shake her head in annoyance. Multiple times she catches Dick just sitting there relaxed, arms crossed over his chest, with that different kind of smile, the one she'd only ever so often seen on her mom's face before. There's a hint of amusement behind his eyes, but also a shadow of something else. Something that makes her feel warm inside.

Three days in, during a movie night, Dick proposes an idea of training. He's supposed to do it with Jason anyway, so why not teach all three of them at the same time? Gar and Rachel glance at each other, having a silent debate with their eyes, then nod at him in agreement. _It will be fun_ , she thinks. 

Except, it's not, at first at least. Dick goes easy on them, trying to built their physical strength first, and showing them some basic defensive moves. Jason, being the asshole he is most of the time, is constantly trying to prove he's better than them because _he already knows all of this_. But he's not treated any differently than the others.

Rachel is.

It's not because she's a girl (it doesn't matter). It's not because she's weaker (she's not). And she doesn't even notice it at first. But Dick seems to be keeping a much closer eye on her, always making sure she understands what she's learning and that she doesn't hurt herself or others while doing it (even if it means explaining and demonstrating the move over and over again, just for her). He's patient and gentle with her, always. It's not that he doesn't do all those things for the boys. He does, but not like with her.

And he's trying to learn too. When they train separately, on their one-on-one sessions, he's trying to incorporate her powers into the physical training and what takes Rachel by surprise is that he's really making effort to _understand_ her abilities, always asking questions about how she feels during and afterwards using them, what she needs to focus on to start and how much energy does it cost her. It helps her understand as well, because these specific questions make her think, and together they are able to figure out more and more things about what she's capable of. 

One afternoon, at the end of a particularly difficult joint session, she finally manages to do something right (well, almost). She blocks his attack with a move he's been showing her this week, but - remembering his teaching about always trying to find a way to sneak on their opponent - she releases a string of black smoke that wraps itself around his legs unnoticed and sends him on the ground with one swift pull. 

But she uses too much strength and because of that Dick hits the ground hard, falling on his back.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" she says as she rushes to him, her eyes wide in fear. "Are you okay?"

He sits up, groaning and massages the back of his head. Then he looks up at her, surprised and confused as she stands there over him, frozen in place.

"I'm- I'm sorry." she stutters, not knowing what to do. Gar and Jason stand awkwardly behind her, watching the situation unfold.

But Dick only grins widely at her and gets back to his feet. Then he walks over to her, puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her to his side, laughing softly under his breath. And when she stares at him in confusion, he locks eyes with her and says.

"That's my girl."

Jason smirks and shakes his head while Gar cheers her on. And Rachel smiles, blushing slightly. Their eyes meet again and she almost can't believe the look she sees on Dick's face.

Pride.

She had made him proud. Absolutely, undeniably proud. It's the best feeling in the world. And it makes her work harder, learn more, strive for perfection. She wants to make him proud, she can't let him down. He wants to teach her and he wants her to be good and strong so she promises herself to not let his lessons go to waste. She's going to be the best student she can be.

***

Different treatment doesn't only apply to training, she notices later. It's the little things she hadn't put much thought into before. And it starts small. He gives her that warm smile she'd grown to love so much every time she enters the kitchen in the morning. Whenever he's close, she can always feel his touch, whether it's just a brush of his fingers over her arm when they pass each other, their knees touching when they sit on the couch watching movies, or a hand pressed gently to her back, laying on her shoulder or ruffling her hair playfully. After a while he starts pulling her into hugs, just like that, without reason. Side hugs for good morning and goodnight, hugs from behind when he's trying to surprise her, cuddles on the couch with her head on his shoulder and his arm wrapped loosely around her, fingers playing with her hair. She would never admit it, but she loves every second of it. 

Another thing Dick does is trying to spend as much quality time with her as possible. He makes sure none of them gets bored, letting the three teenagers hang out in the city, but it's Rachel he takes out for walks, showing her his favorite places in San Francisco, sharing memories and creating new ones. They often go out for coffee and he doesn't say a thing when she pours a half cup of sugar into her drink, only smiling softly like the first time he had seen her do that. Despite trying to push healthy eating habits into their heads, Dick doesn't bat an eye when she buys herself loads of snacks. 

Shopping is another thing. Everything she wants, she gets. Is that what being spoiled feels like? Maybe it's because she mentioned once that when things were tight at home (more often than not) her mom would only get her stuff if completely necessary. Rachel had never seen that as an issue, but apparently Dick does. It's almost funny to watch him talk to Gar and Jason about spending money responsibly, then hand her his credit card when they're not looking.

"Buy yourself everything you need." he tells her the first time he does it. Then winks at her, flashing a mischievous grin. "And then some more."

Rachel stares at him, stunned.

"Dick, I can't take this. Really. I still have some savings from the last time you gave me some cash. Seriously, it's enough."

"But it doesn't have to be." he argues. "When was the last time you got yourself something just because you wanted to?" _Never_ is the answer, but she doesn't say it.

"But it's your money. I can't just-"

"Yes, you _can_." Dick interrupts her. "I want you to. And besides, it's Bruce's money."

Yeah, like that is supposed to make her feel better about this. 

Dick takes her hand and puts the card in her palm, closing her fingers around it. "Take it, I mean it. Have some fun, get yourself something nice - like those awesome sneakers you were drooling over an hour ago by one of the shop's windows."

Rachel looks down, embarrassed. She didn't think he noticed. 

Sighing deeply she reluctantly slips the card into her wallet. Dick's triumphant smile makes her roll her eyes.

She feels bad later, carrying three bags in her hands on her way back from her hunt around the mall. But the knots in her stomach untangle when Dick takes one look at her, stopping his gaze at her feet for a moment longer, then grins at her and pulls her to his side.

"Nice shoes." he whispers to her ear and Rachel can't help but giggle.

All of it feels like he's trying almost too hard to make her happy. Like he wants to make up for her crappy childhood and recent events, something that wasn't even his fault. Making her favorite breakfast, teaching, quality time, hugs… All this trying to make their life feel as domestic and easy as possible, it warms her heart. He's trying to be a better man, for her, and she appreciates that.

She approaches the topic with the boys one night, when they are hanging out in Gar's room, playing video games. Jason only smirks and snorts again, mostly ignoring her and focusing on the game, but Gar pauses and turns to her with a wide smile on his face.

"I actually can't believe that you just now realized he's playing favorites, Rachel."

She frowns at him in confusion.

"Uh, 'playing favorites'? So you're saying he's doing all of this because I'm his favorite student?"

"More like his favorite _child_." Jason throws over his shoulder, not even looking away from the screen. It takes Rachel a minute to fully understand the hidden meaning behind his words, and when she does, the realization leaves her speechless.

***

It all starts to make more sense now. And when she thinks about it, it began way before they came to San Francisco. Dick has been acting like this since the very beginning, Rachel just didn't notice that before. All that urge to protect her no matter what, gentleness that seems to be reserved only for her, this whole other side of him only she has access to. Whether he knows it or not, he had developed a paternal instinct towards her and for some reason the thought blows her mind.

She never had a father figure in her life. Melisa made it seem like he was nonexistent, she had never worn a wedding ring, there were no pictures in the house, nothing. And Rachel never asked. 

The truth about her parentage was way worse, so she immediately pushes it out of her mind.

Rachel had never known a father's love. She had seen it, multiple times when she watched her schoolmates being dropped off by their dads every morning and how they always ran up to them after classes. But before she hadn't given it any attention. It was just her and her mom, and that was enough. 

What she has now feels better than anything she had experienced before. Dick is not perfect, but she loves him anyway. He had made mistakes on the way, but she had learned to forgive him. And she wouldn't change a thing about what they have and how they got here. 

But the question is… Does Dick even realize he basically became a father of first one, then two (super powered) teenagers? She's not counting Jason, obviously, since he's more like Dick's adoptive younger (more annoying) brother. But her and Gar were just a couple of strays, left with no family and abilities they didn't (and sometimes still don't) understand, and Dick Grayson just took one look at them and decided to throw his entire life away, just for them. Does he see himself this way? Or is he just doing what he thinks is right, without overthinking it?

She gets her answer soon enough.

As usual on Fridays, when Gar and Jason practice together after breakfast, Dick and her have their 'bonding time' as Gar calls it jokingly. They go out so Rachel can take some time away from the boys and relax.

"And probably because Dicky just wants to spend some time with his _little girl_." Jason teases her before they leave and Rachel can only pray Dick didn't hear that. 

They're out in town for coffee, in one of their favorite spots. They laugh, joke around, talk about everything and nothing, and her cheeks hurt from smiling so much. She's reaching for her phone to text Gar what they want for dinner when she notices a small red ball rolling over to her boot. She picks it up and looks around, looking for the toy's owner and finds a distracted looking girl, probably around five, few tables away. The kid is looking around, eyes full of tears as her mother gathers her things to leave. Rachel overhears their conversation.

"Come on, honey. Let's go."

"But my ball-"

"I'll get you a new one. Now hurry."

"I'll be right back." she tells Dick and takes off without waiting for an answer, only catching his growing smile in the corner of her eye. She meets the two right as they pass their table.

"Hey!" Rachel calls out to the girl. "I think this is yours."

The child's eyes light up as she reaches for her toy. "You found my ball! Thank you!"

"Yes, thank you so much." the mother adds, sighing in relief. "You just saved me from an hour long tantrum."

Rachel only shrugs in response.

"Just doing what's right."

The woman smiles at her.

"Your dad must be proud of you."

The comment takes Rachel off guard and she can only stare back at the woman, wide eyed and confused, when suddenly a gentle hand appears on her shoulder, squeezing tightly.

"I am." Dick answers from behind her and when she turns to look at him, he grins at her.

The woman looks between the two, a knowing smirk appearing on her face, then takes her daughter's hand and says.

"Thank you, again. Have a nice day."

And just like that they're gone.

"Come on, Rach." he tells her as his arm wraps itself around her shoulders, pulling her to his side. "We should get going too. Gar and Jason shouldn't be left alone for too long."

She blinks at him, still feeling stunned. It takes her a moment to register his words, but when she does, she starts laughing.

"Yeah, you're right." she nods and loops her arm around his waist as they head towards the exit. "Let's hope nothing is on fire."

They don't let go of each other the entire way home and Rachel can't stop grinning, still having the woman's words running through her head.

_Your dad must be proud of you._

_Dad_. Somehow it feels like the best possible word to describe Dick Grayson.

***

The first time he calls her 'baby', it happens so naturally she doesn't even notice it until much later.

It's been almost two months since Rachel had defeated her demon father, but the horrors of that night still haunt her dreams from time to time. Usually she can handle the nightmares by herself, but this time she wakes up covered in sweat, her throat dry and hoarse from screaming, still seeing Trigon ripping out the hearts of her loved ones. She can still smell the blood, she can see Gar and Dick and Kory laying on the ground with holes in their chests and she can hear a demonic laugh still ringing in her ears. 

But then two large but gentle hands rest on her shoulders and she's being pulled into a broad, warm chest. Strong arms close around her and hold her tight, rocking her back and forth, one hand coming up to cradle her head and stroke her hair.

"Shh, it's alright, baby. It was just a dream." she hears Dick whisper into her ear and she instantly melts into his embrace, digging her fingers into his shoulder blades. If it hurts him, he doesn't mention it, just squeezes her tighter against his bare chest, pressing a soft kiss to the side of her head.

"I'm right here, baby girl." he murmurs into her hair. "I got you. It wasn't real, okay? You're with me, we're at home, no one is gonna hurt you, I swear."

She's shaking all over, a painful sob escapes her lips and she hides her face in the crook of his neck.

"Dick… "

"Shh, I'm here, honey. Right here."

They stay like this for what feels like hours, Dick rocking her gently in his arms as her breathing evens out and tears stop falling. The sound of his heartbeat and warmth of his body lull her to sleep and soon he's lowering her back on her pillow and tucking her covers tightly around her. His hand brushes the side of her face, fingers wiping away the last of her tears and Rachel closes her eyes, smiling. She's almost asleep when he leans down to plant a loving kiss to her forehead, but she can still clearly hear the words he breathes out against her skin.

"Sleep, baby. I won't let anyone hurt you, I promise."

In the morning she walks into the kitchen to see her favorite breakfast (waffles with whipped cream and blueberries) on the table and Dick grinning at her happily from behind the counter, already preparing her a plate.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." he greets her as she takes her seat at the kitchen island. She glances at the clock on the wall and smiles. 9:45 a.m. He let her sleep in. 

His hand lands on her back, rubbing slowly and when she looks up at him, he asks.

"No more bad dreams?"

She shakes her head and smiles.

"Nope."

"Good."

He sets her plate in front of her and drops a kiss on top of her head before walking away.

"Eat up, then meet me in the training room."

Rachel rolls her eyes, laughing.

"You're not gonna let me have even one day off, are you? Besides, I already slept in."

She can hear his laugh as he disappears in the hallway.

"Don't get used to it."

She lets out a sigh and digs into her waffles, but smiles anyway. She couldn't be mad at him even if she tried. Not today, when the sound of his soft voice still rings in her ears, making her feel warm inside. Her fork freezes halfway to her mouth suddenly when her brain catches up with her heart.

 _He called me_ **_baby_ ** _._

A wide smile spreads across her face and she continues eating.

She could definitely get used to _this_. 

***


	8. You Can't Resist a Bird With a Broken Wing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 8! This chapter covers episode 2 and 3 of season 2, which means the drama unfolds. Enjoy and see you soon on chapter 9!

"Have you put any thought into our name?" Rachel asks as she and Dick pick up their usual order from their favorite café in San Francisco. After three months a coffee run in the morning every other day became a routine for them. It's kinda their  _ thing _ now. 

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you, Hank, Dawn and Donna were the Titans." she explains. "So what are we? The New Titans? Titans 2.0?"

"Titans: Next Generation?" 

His bad attempt on a joke doesn't amuse her so she just raises an eyebrow at him despite his wide grin making her want to laugh.

"You're not helping."

"Look, Rach. It doesn't matter what you're called - it matters what you do." he tells her, his tone changing back to this serious, teaching one. He does this a lot these days, trying to find a lesson in everything, taking every opportunity to teach and mentor them. "We're training for whatever's next. There's never a shortage of people out there who wanna screw things up for the rest of us."

Despite finding this mentor behavior a bit annoying at times, Rachel can't help but tune in and listen, captivated. He's a great teacher, the best one she ever had, in fact. Yes, he tends to be a little bit obsessive about this whole training thing, but she always absorbs everything he says like a sponge. If Dick is putting so much effort into teaching her, she's gonna put as much effort into learning, she promised herself that a long time ago.

"You know what they say." he continues. "All it takes for evil to succeed-"

"Is for good men and women to do nothing." she finishes for him because she can't even count how many times he had already quoted this to them. It's basically engraved in her brain right now.

Dick gives her a proud smile.

"That's Titans. Good men and women  _ not _ doing nothing."

Rachel chuckles as he walks away to find them a free table.

"You could put that on a t-shirt,  _ Dirk _ ." she teases him with a misspelled name from his cup and joins him in one of the boxes by the window. He's grinning at her, with that mischievous spark in his eyes.

"Only if you promise me you'll wear it,  _ Rochelle _ ." he bites back and Rachel rolls her eyes, smiling. This constant banter they have is another part of their routine. Making each other smile and laugh is their mutual goal. And it's always working, especially when it's just two of them, like right now.

She loves spending time with him. Every second of it. And seeing him so… free and happy, without the burdens of his past constantly hovering over him, seeing him just being himself around her, it makes it all even better. When she's with him, it's like everything is, and will be, alright.

***

Except it's not. Not when another set of bloody claw marks appears on her back in her sleep. 

She knows she should tell Dick. She should have come to him right after the first time it happened, a month ago. But something stops her. 

She feels different. Like she's not the same person she used to be. This is exactly what she tells Gar, because she really wants to talk to someone about it. She just doesn't know how.

"Have you talked to Dick about it?" her best friend asks and something about this question makes her feel like she's having a panic attack. 

"God no!" she responds quickly, feeling her heartbeat picking up speed. 

"You probably should." 

Even Gar knows telling Dick is the wisest thing to do. But it's the very thing she's most afraid to do.

"I can't." she explains. "It's so important to him that we stay strong, you know? Especially me. I'm his… 'A' student. I can't let him down like that."

Gar thinks for a moment, considering her words.

"Are you worried that he's gonna think you're a failure?"

_ Yes _ , something in the back of her head whispers, but she chooses to ignore it.

"I'm worried he's gonna think  _ he's _ a failure."

She's not lying, not exactly. Dick tries so hard to teach them as much as he can. He puts so much effort into understanding her abilities and helping her achieve control over them. He's always so happy when she gets a hold on another thing, mastering her powers. Her constant progress is everything to him. Telling him now that she's losing this control would jeopardize all of this, his teachings would be for nothing.

This is how she explains it to herself, anyway. This is how she tries to convince herself that not telling him is a right thing to do. This is what she tells herself every other night when she wakes up in pain, with blood staining her shirt, when her back screams in agony during training and she has to bite her lip and clench her jaw to not cry out. 

It's her problem and she's going to deal with it on her own. This is what the training is for, right? To prepare them for whatever's next. And if what's happening to her is somehow tied to her father, she needs to figure it out herself. She had beaten him once, she can do it again. 

For now Dick doesn't need to know anything. 

***

The strange girl has been in the Tower for an hour now and Gar and Jason are are already obsessed with her. But Jason is right in one thing - Dick can't resist a stray, Gar and Rachel are the very proof of that. When Robin comes with a plan on how to get more info on their mysterious guest, Rachel gets up and leaves, not wanting to play any part in their shenanigans. 

"You guys do what you want." she says. "I'm out."

The great room is quiet and empty so she finds Dick in the next place she knew he would be - the tech room. He's standing in front the monitors, a coffee mug in his hand, watching the news footage of the girl. 

"Is she gone?" she asks as she comes closer. Dick turns to look at her, then goes back to the screens.

"She's in her room."

"Sounds like she's staying."

"Maybe not. She's pretty intent on leaving." he answers, still staring at the footage.

"Do we get a vote?" Rachel asks and finally makes him turn to face her properly. 

"Look, I know it seems uncomfortable." he starts, his voice soft and soothing, as always when he talks to her. "The idea of a stranger joining our… family. But you guys have to trust that I know-"

"I think it's a great idea." she cuts in, which completely throws him off guard. He frowns at her, surprised and confused.

"Really?"

Rachel can't help but laugh. For the oldest, wisest and the only adult out of four of them, he can be such a dumbass sometimes.

"It's what you do." she tells him with a smile and his baffled face is honestly priceless. "Face it, Dick. You can't resist a bird with a broken wing."

"I wouldn't say I can't." he argues playfully, easily falling back into their usual banter. 

"Come on, you helped me, you helped Gar… "

"I didn't help Jason."

"Can anyone help Jason… ?" she jokes and Dick laughs, putting his mug back on the console table. Rachel mentally high fives herself. The tension from his shoulders is gone, he's relaxed. Mission accomplished.

"This is the reason you restarted Titans, isn't it?" she asks after a moment, her tone turning serious again. "So people like us and her, whoever she is, can have a home."

"This is different, Rachel."

"How?"

"When you came to me, you wanted help." he explains and her chest warms up at the memory of their first meeting. "She doesn't."

"Maybe she doesn't know it." Rachel wonders out loud, turning her gaze to the girl's face frozen on the screen. "Or can't admit it. It's pretty obvious she needs help. And that's what you do best. You're good at it."

Her words seem to be working, because Dick looks like he's considering it.

"I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do." he admits and Rachel smiles. He wasn't sure about that back in Detroit either, and look where they are right now.

"I don't think you have a choice." she concludes and leaves him with his thoughts, giving him space to think this through. Over time they've spend together they learned to listen to each other and respect each other's opinions. Not that it wasn't like that before, but now they really rely on each other's thoughts and points of view. So Rachel leaves him knowing that whatever he chooses to do, it's going to be the right thing.

***

Rose Wilson. The daughter of one Slade Wilson, a mercenary also known as Deathstroke. Somehow this information makes Dick really on edge and the change feels really alarming for Rachel. She doesn't need to directly use her powers on him to feel the shift in his mood, how he immediately closes himself off. When she asks him if he knows this man, he shuts her off with simple 'old Titans business' response. It gets even weirder when he stops Gar from researching more information, saying that he will take it from here. Something feels off and she doesn't know what. But then Hank, Dawn and Donna arrive and for a moment the thoughts escape her mind.

Unfortunately Kory is not with them, Donna says she sort off 'vanished' whatever that means and Rachel feels her heart drop to her stomach. The Amazon sees her falling smile and quickly adds that Kory mentioned she wanted to see Florida, so she's probably there. Still, it's not working. 

But then Dick steps into the room and Rachel's thoughts about Kory vanish instantly because suddenly there's so much tension in here you could cut it with a knife. None of them is able to look each other in the eyes for more than two seconds and instead of a warm welcome and a smile she expected from Dick, he stands away from them, arms crossed over his chest, asking if they weren't followed. Then he sends her and Gar away, asking to give them a minute and when she looks at his face, a shiver runs down her spine. His voice sounded a little annoyed, angry even, but in fact Dick looks scared. 

She looks at Gar and together they walk pass the older Titans without a word, vanishing in the hallway. But before they can make their way to their bedrooms, Rachel grabs her best friend by the elbow and stops him.

"Something is off." she whispers to him, so they wouldn't hear them.

"Yeah, tell me about it." Gar replies but shuts up immediately when she quiets him, signing him to listen. Jason passes them, paying them no mind, and when he's away, both Gar and Rachel press their backs to the wall and listen.

They're talking about someone named Dr. Light, it must be someone from their old days. Dick makes his leader speech, telling them how glad he is that they are all here and they can work on this issue together, but for some reason it feels forced. And they don't want to hear any of it anyway. Hank says that after this they're out. 

Rachel furrows her brows in confusion. Did something happen in those three months that they don't know about? Last time they were all together, everything was fine. So where this distance and hostility is coming from?

Dick moves the rest of the conversation to the tech room, which means they can't hear anything else. Guess they're just gonna have to wait and see what happens next.

***

With nothing much to do Rachel and Gar decide to join Jason in the training room to practice blindfolded fighting. Everything seems to go fine, but Rachel can't fully focus. Her mind is wandering elsewhere, worrying about Dick, trying to understand this strange situation and also being careful about the wounds on her back. The pain is a nice distraction, but it's still uncomfortable. 

But then Jason knocks her on the back of her head with a training sword and something in her cracks. She rips the blindfold off from her face, fury coursing through her veins and the next moment she and Jason are in the air, her hand around his throat, choking him. Her eyes are red, the gemstone on her forehead glows and burns and there's only one thought in her mind.

_ Kill him _ .

Gar brings her back and they fall back on the ground. Rachel is shaking, it feels like she can't breathe. Did she really do this? Did she just try to kill Jason?

_ What's happening to me? _

She can't move, wide eyed and frozen in place, when Jason shouts into her face.

"Stay away from me, you fucking freak!"

His words hurt but she deserves it. She did it to him. She almost killed him. 

She's a monster.

"Everything okay?"

_ Oh no. _

Dick walks into the room, his eyes focused on her and Jason. The two look at each other and Rachel silently begs him to not say a word. Jason listens, even if he's not doing this for her, and instead starts complaining to Dick about not being included in plans. As always the new Robin tries to make everything about himself and something inside of Rachel growls. It takes all her willpower to keep it down and stay still.

Dick is acting like he doesn't know what happened and maybe he doesn't but he must have his suspicions. He takes Gar to the tech room because he's needed there and tells Jason to keep practising but his eyes dart to her right after, staring at her longer than she would've wanted in this moment. A shadow of worry covers his features for a second and she wouldn't notice it if she didn't know him so well. But then it disappears as fast as it showed up and his normal, neutral expression is back in place, like a mask he can put on whenever he wants to. Without another word Dick turns and leaves the room, Gar following right behind him. 

She's about to thank Jason for not saying anything when the boy snaps at her again, more quiet this time.

"You need to have this shit looked at." he hisses. "By like a fucking priest."

When Jason leaves, Rachel runs to the bathroom and throws up everything she had eaten this day. Crying, she washes her face in the sink and when she looks in the mirror, all she sees is a glowing gemstone, red eyes and a wicked smile.

***

Their plan to take down dr. Light goes wrong and Dick is more on edge than she had seen him before. And Jason's behavior definitely doesn't help. Standing to the side, watching everything escalate, Rachel knows it's gonna end with a fight. So she's not surprised when Jason throws the first punch. What shocks her is the force Dick uses to block the move. There's a difference between defense and attack, Dick told them that many times. And Dick not only blocked Jason's punch, he shoved him to the ground so hard that they boy's head bounced back from the floor. The view shakes her to her core. She hasn't seen him being so brutal since… since he was Robin, fighting this freakish family on that motel's parking lot. There is too much anger coming from him. A thought runs through her mind. Maybe Dick does know what happened between her and Jason in the training room? Or at least he had heard what Jason told her and that, plus how the new Robin was acting later finally drove him over the edge and he let his anger take the better of him? 

Maybe, because when Jason leaves and her and Dick's eyes meet, she can't find anything but blinding fury in them.

***

She calls Kory, 'cause there's nothing else she can do. There's a knot in her stomach, telling her it's all her fault even if her brain argues that it's not true. She's the one who attacked Jason and caused him to act out all day. She's the reason behind this. 

Why does it feel like everyone's drifting apart? Those past three months were the best time of her life and now suddenly no one wants to talk, and when they do, they just start fighting.

And now Kory's telling her she has to leave, come back to her home planet. 

Rachel proposes an idea that Kory could take her with her, but she knows it's not gonna work as soon as the words leave her mouth and Kory confirms that. 

Rachel ends up opening up to her friend, telling her everything she couldn't tell Dick or Gar. It's easier because Kory's not here, as long as she's away it won't affect her. But the thing is Rachel wants her here. What she would do for Kory to magically show up here and hug her, so she could hide in her almost motherly embrace and cry it out.

"Have you talked to Dick?"

Rachel almost wants to laugh. Kory is the second person that suggested that, which only proves that Rachel really should talk to him. But she's not sure she can, especially right now.

"No. I've caused enough trouble." she finds herself saying. "That's why I'm telling you."

Kory tells her to sit tight, that she's on her way and for the first time today Rachel feels like she can breathe again. Kory's coming, things will get better.

The moment she hangs up she hears a soft knock on the door. She quickly dries her tears, grabs a random book from her nightstand and lays down before inviting the person in. The door open and Dick walks in slowly. 

"Hi." he greets her, a soft smile appearing on his face. He seems a little bit more relaxed, which is a relief for her.

"Hey, what's up?" she asks innocently, hoping he won't notice she was crying just a minute before.

"Not much, just wanted to check if everything is okay." he says as he closes the door slowly and moves to sit down next to her on the edge of her bed. Rachel puts the book away and sits up, cross legged, facing him.

"Yeah, it is. Why?"

"I, uh… I noticed there was something off about you during training." he says and Rachel holds her breath.  _ Oh God, he knows. _ "I guess I was just worried."

They eye each other for a moment, waiting. If he knows anything, he probably wants her to make the first move and start talking, while Rachel waits for questions she doesn't want to answer. Neither thing comes, so to avoid the silence that's growing between them she dismisses his concerns with a wave of her hand and smiles.

"It's nothing, really." she says, trying to make it sound convincing. "I guess I was just disappointed that Kory didn't come, you know? We miss her, me and Gar. "

Dick chuckles, but it's clear he's not buying it. She's not exactly lying, but she's not telling the truth either.

"Yeah, I figured that much." 

He laughs quietly, but then locks eyes with her, looking worried again. "Are you sure that's all it is?"

A lump materializes in her throat. He's trying to push, but gives her a freedom of choice at the same time. She could tell him about everything right now. Her powers acting out, the scratches, trouble sleeping, all of it. She could fall into his arms and cry it all out until there's nothing left and he would not judge her, he would not blame her, only hold her tight and tell her everything will be alright. If only she would open her mouth… 

"Yeah." she smiles. "I'm sure. I just wasn't in the mood today, that's all."

"Right." Dick breathes out, looking down. He smiles at her, but it doesn't reach his eyes. He knows she's lying, but he doesn't push. 

"I'm sorry I made you worry though." she adds quickly.

"It's okay." he whispers softly, looking at her with warmth in his eyes. "But come to me if you need anything, okay? I'm serious, anything."

He wants her to tell him. He's basically begging her to tell him.  _ I can't help you if you won't let me _ , his eyes seem to say. It makes her feel guilty. It would be so easy.

But she can't do it. 

"Yeah, I will." she tells him, smiling. "Don't worry."

Dick lets out a long sigh. He knows he won't get anything from her, no matter how hard he tries. 

"Get some rest, Rach." he says, getting up. "It's late."

"Okay."

"Hey." he whispers softly and tilts her chin up so she could look at him. "I'm always here when you need me, alright? Always."

When his palm rests on her cheek, stroking it gently, Rachel wants to cry.

"I know."

Dick's hand moves to cup the back of her head and he leans down, pressing a long, tender kiss to her forehead. Rachel holds her breath, pushing back tears.

"Goodnight, baby." he whispers into her hair.

"Goodnight."

When he leaves, Rachel cries herself to sleep.


	9. We're Not Born Good or Bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, welcome to chapter 9! This little thing covers most of episode 5. I decided to split that one because a lot is happening here. Oh, and prepare, 'cause a lot of angst is coming your way.

It happened again. She couldn't be asleep for more than an hour but it still happened. But this time Rachel is not the one who got hurt. Gar is. 

There's something like bite marks around his wrist, not deep enough to be life threatening but still red and bloody. And she feels like she's going to throw up. This is exactly what she's been most afraid of.

"Please, don't tell Dick." she begs him, feeling the panic rising in her chest.

But then Gar tells her Jason is gone and their world turns upside down once again.

***

Of course Jason would do something like this. She can't deny him his skills and knowledge, but he tends to be so incredibly irrational and hotheaded it's infuriating. But deep in her gut she's still scared about him, of course she is. 

She and Gar are left alone in the kitchen while the older Titans lock themselves in the tech room, planning and considering their options. Dick told them to stay away and it's understandable. She can feel worry radiating from him, colored with a hint of anger. He's angry because what Jason and Gar did was stupid, but he knows finding Jason is priority right now. And he is not going to risk them also getting hurt. So the two younger Titans help the only way they can - by staying away and letting the adults handle the situation. Gar is not happy about this, he's feeling guilty and he wants to help, she understands that. But she is not going to question Dick on this. He said to stay away, so she's staying away. He knows what to do, he always does.

***

She's sitting alone in the tech room, staring at the screens. The team is out there, searching the tunnels, but with Jason's tracker still being unable to locate, it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. She's tired, and worried, and angry. At Jason for being so reckless, at Gar for going with him without telling anyone. At Dick too, actually. For keeping her - them - at arm's length, leaving them out.

She could've helped. He knows what she's capable of, he's trained her himself. Rachel knows deep down it's out of fear. Dick doesn't want her or Gar to get hurt. He's obviously being protective again, but it's not fair. How are they supposed to learn if he doesn't let them share the risk? 

Sighing, Rachel swivels in her chair, looking up at the screens. She knows what Dick would say, she can basically hear his voice in her head.

_ This isn't a mission for learning. You either do or die. And that's not the risk I'm willing to share.* _

Yeah, he would definitely say something like this.

At least Gar should've told her what they're planning. She would either stop them or go with them, making sure they won't do anything stupid. Dick wouldn't be happy about this either, but with her powers she would be able to help the guys and Jason wouldn't have been kidnapped.

Tiger boy comes in, complaining about Rose and Rachel can't hold her anger down. They snap at each other, throwing out words they will regret later. Gar knows there's something wrong with her powers, he had seen the marks on her back because she wasn't careful enough and Rachel defends herself the only way she can right now - by denying it. It's their first big fight, but Rachel is so fed up with everything she honestly doesn't give a fuck. Screw him.

Thankfully Kory comes to the rescue just in time.

  
  


***

She tells Kory everything. It's so good to finally let it out. Once she starts speaking, it's like the floodgates are open and it all pours out of her. Even the things she was so scared to tell Dick - especially those things. And she knows why. It would only make him worry about her. He would hover over her to the point of being overbearing, he would try to find a solution to a problem he wouldn't be able to understand. But most importantly he would blame himself for not noticing it earlier, for not paying attention, for letting it happen to her even when it wasn't his fault at all.

Because it's all her.

"When my father ripped out my heart, I changed." she says, her voice trembling. "I turned into something different, something I can't control."

Kory understands her better than Rachel could've expected. She can relate to it, speaking about her own problems with her powers, how - just like in Rachel's case - they wouldn't stay caged, even with the precautions her people used. 

"People like us are destined to be special, Rachel." the woman tells her, but it's quite hard to believe. "Maybe that's why this is happening to you. The more you try to suppress your powers, the harder they'll resist."

Tears cloud her vision and a lump closes her throat, but she tries to push through it.

"But the prophecy you found said that I was supposed to destroy worlds."

"Or save worlds." Kory argues, trying to prove her point. "We're not born good or bad. The choices you make define your destiny. Trigon chose darkness. I have to choose what my future holds. You will too."

Rachel wipes her sleeve across her cheeks, sniffling. 

"So that's it? I just  _ decide _ to be good?"

Kory looks at her somberly, sadly even, her voice barely above a whisper.

"It's a little more complicated at times, but yes."

Because nothing is ever easy, isn't it?

***

Dick's face when he walks in and sees Kory is honestly priceless and if it wasn't for the current situation, Rachel would've laughed. It's like watching a rom-com sometimes. 

Kory asks about Jason and his eyes dart to Gar and her, sitting by the kitchen island with Rose. 

"Let's talk in the training room." he says and they all walk away without another word, only Kory sparing them a glance as they leave.

Rachel sighs. Of course, secrets again. What is it this time? Gar and Jason screwed up so bad that Dick lost all trust in them? Or what happened is way worse than they think? She doesn't know which one is worse. 

"It's bad. I can tell." she speaks out loud. "They don't think we can handle hearing the truth."

"I know a way to find out." Gar says, but she has a feeling she won't like the idea.

They watch the entire conversation on screens in the tech room. But they're doing it without sound, listening to something they're not supposed to feels wrong and sketchy.

"Aren't you tired of being lied to?" Rose asks them, her tone annoyed and tired.

"Dick isn't lying to us." Rachel comes to his defense. "He doesn't want us to get involved. He's protecting us."

"How does being kept in the dark make any of us safer?"

Rachel has to admit, the girl has a point. But Rose doesn't know Dick Grayson like she does. Their safety is a number one priority to him and he will do everything in his power to protect them. If it means withholding information and keeping them away from the big fight, so be it. Even if it's not fair to them.

Gar seems to consider the girl's words and after a moment he turns the sound on.

They're talking about handing Rose over for Jason. Dick is clearly not happy about this, neither is Kory, but they don't say no to the plan either, at least not yet. What's even more confusing is that the old Titans talk about this like it already happened once, Dawn mentioning something about how they shouldn't use Deathstroke's kid to get to him  _ again _ . There's definitely some untold, and probably unresolved story here.

_ "Wait, have you lost your mind?" _ Kory snaps at Hank when he says he'll take Rose there himself.  _ "You're all turning into monsters instead of trying to figure out how to fight one." _

"Thank God for Kory." Rachel mutters to herself, grateful for her friend. It seems like the alien woman is being more rational than all Titans combined. 

But Rose seems to think otherwise and before they even notice, she's gone from the tech room. 

Rachel finds her in the main area, running away from the others.

"You don't have to run, Rose." she tries to reason with her. "Dick will make sure you're safe. I promise."

If only Rose could see what Rachel can see. If only could Rose trust Dick like Rachel does. But Rose is not Rachel, and never will be. 

The girl attacks her and Rachel's body reacts on learned instinct, blocking the move. 

_ Time to put Dick's training to good use _ , she thinks, but she is only able to avoid and block some of Rose's attacks, because the girl is too good, too fast and Rachel can't counterattack. 

But then something snaps in her again, that hot, burning anger rises and the demon overcomes her. There's just one thought in her mind.  _ Kill her. Kill. _

She snaps out of it after the sound of bones cracking and when she comes back to herself, Rose is on the floor, her body unnaturally twisted. 

_ Oh God. No. No, no, no. Please, no. _

Rose looks dead. She  _ is _ dead. 

"Rose!" Rachel gasps, terrified.

"Rachel, don't!" she can hear Dick calling out behind her and when she turns, she sees everyone standing there, shocked and scared. Dick has his hand outstretched towards her, but she's not sure if it's to comfort her or stop her. Because his eyes are full of fear, and the view breaks her heart.

_ They're scared of me. He's scared of me.  _

She runs away before anyone can stop her, bur Kory goes after her anyway.

She can barely make it to her room before she crumbles down. She can barely breathe, like something is choking her from the inside. Kory calls out her name, coming closer.

"Leave me alone."

"Listen, I know what happened-"

"You were wrong." she snaps, turning to face the woman. "Some of us don't get to decide who we are. We're born bad."

Before Kory can say anything to that, Rachel slams her bedroom door shut behind her and slides down against it, sobbing violently. She was born to be a monster. No amount of training, self control or choices will change that.

Hurried footsteps tumble down the hallway and she covers her mouth with her sleeve to muffle her cries. The last person slows down next to her door and Rachel doesn't have to guess who it is. The amount of worry, fear and guilt coming from him is crushing her, making it hard to breathe.

"So… " Kory starts speaking behind the door, her voice tense and tinted with anger. "Which problem do you wanna fix first?"

If they're going to have a fight right under her door, she doesn't want to hear it. She lifts herself up from the floor and goes to her bed, throwing herself at it. She hides her face in the pillow as another sob escapes her, tears soaking the soft fabric. Rachel is not sure when the sleep comes, but when it does, her dreams are haunted by the image of Rose's twisted body and a sound of cracked skull.

***

She wakes up shortly after to a gentle hand brushing her cheek softly. The touch is so familiar it makes her want to cry again. After what she did, she doesn't deserve his affection.

She slowly opens her eyes and finds Dick sitting at the edge of her bed, looking down at her.

"Hi, sweetheart." he whispers, his thumb still caressing her face. Rachel turns her head and buries her face in her pillow again, trying to hide the new wave of tears. His eyes are so full of love it hurts. He shouldn't look at her like that, not after what she had done.

"Hey, shh. It's okay." he soothes, running his fingers through her hair. "Rose is fine."

That's impossible. She turns again to look at him.

"What?"

Dick smiles at her.

"Speed healing. She's in the infirmary, asleep, but okay. She should be back on her feet in few hours."

The relief is overwhelming. She didn't kill Rose. She really didn't. But it still doesn't take away from what she did. 

Feeling a lump rising in her throat, Rachel sits up in her bed.

"I'm so sorry." she chokes out, tears spilling down her cheeks. "I didn't mean it."

"I know." Dick says, brushing them away with his thumb. "Come here, baby."

Rachel falls into into his embrace instantly, burying her face in his neck. And when his strong arms wrap around her tightly, pulling her close to his chest, she crumbles down completely. Heartbreaking wails escape her lips, violent sobs shake through her body and Dick's grip on her tightens as he pulls her even closer, rocking her back and forth.

"My little girl." he whispers to her ear and his hand comes up, cradling the back of her head. "I'm so, so sorry, Rach. But it's okay now. You're okay."

She shakes her head against his shoulder.

"I'm a monster."

He squeezes her tighter, pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

"No, honey. Please, don't say that."

"But it's true."

"Hey, listen to me." he pulls away and takes her face in his hands, locking his eyes with her. "You are  _ not _ a monster. You are  _ not _ evil. You just made a mistake, okay?"

He brushes his thumbs across her cheeks, drying her tears.

"We're gonna have to talk about what happened." he tells her and Rachel holds her breath. "I had a feeling something was wrong, but I was hoping you would come to me first, so I didn't push."

Rachel looks down, feeling guilty and embarrassed. But Dick lifts her face back up so she can look at him.

"We will talk, but first we need to bring Jason back home. I hope you're up for the task, because I'm gonna need someone to protect the Tower while we're gone. You think you can do that for me?"

His stupid grin makes her chuckle through her tears. He always knows how to make her feel better.

"Yeah, I can." she nods. 

"That's my girl."

He gets up, smiling at her, but still keeps his hand on her shoulder.

"Briefing in the great room in fifteen minutes, I want everyone there." he announces, turning back into the great leader she knows he is. "And when we get back, we're gonna have a talk."

Rachel sighs heavily as her shoulders drop. Deep down she knew this was gonna happen sooner or later.

"Okay."

"Hey, whatever it is, we'll figure it out, okay? Together." he squeezes her shoulder comfortingly. "But you have to tell me what's going on, Rach. You have to trust me."

She puts her hand over his.

"I do. I do trust you."

"Good."

He leans down to press a soft kiss to her forehead, then turns towards the door.

"Dick?"

He turns back to her, his hand on the knob.

"Thank you." she says, the tension finally leaving her shoulders. She really should've told him a long time ago. 

He gives her his most beautiful smile, the one she loves the most.

"I'm always here for you. No matter what."

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind."

"I hope so." he says, opening the door. "And don't be late to the briefing."

Rachel chuckles under her breath, then playfully salutes him.

"Yes, sir."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * The quote I used here comes from Star Wars The Clone Wars s03e18 "The Citadel"


	10. Always The Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 10! Which means more angst because we're finishing ep 5, going through 7 and on to episode 9, so sorry in advance. But you know things get better (and then they'll get even better but you don't know that yet *wink wink*)  
> Enjoy and see you soon on chapter 11!

While Gar keeps watch over Rose in the infirmary, Rachel is stuck in the tech room, following the mission over the team's comms and keeping an eye out on the screens for anything unusual. It's boring as hell and she can't understand how Dick (or anyone for that matter) can sit like that for hours. But her only alternative is going to check on Rose, and to be honest, Rachel doesn't really want to see her, or Gar, right now.

She's just about make a quick trip to the kitchen for some snacks when Dawn's worried voice comes from the speakers.

_ "Anybody got eyes on Dick?" _

While other voices join in, talking one over another, Rachel's blood turns to ice when she looks up at the screen only to find a big, red 'no signal' sign flashing next to his name. She jumps to the console and tries to contact him, but only hears static.

_ "What the hell is he doing?" _ Donna asks, her voice filled with confusion.

_ "I think I know." _ comes Kory's answer and something about the way she said that sends shivers down Rachel's spine.  _ "Stay in position. I'm coming in." _

Her order is met with loud protest. 

_ "I'll let you know if I need backup." _ the woman says as a sound of slamming the car's door carries over the comms which means she's already on her way.  _ "Stay here and stick to the plan." _

Rachel can't hear everything but she gets enough to paint a picture of the situation and this time her blood is boiling. This stupid idiot ditched his comm and went rogue, handing himself over to Deathstroke for Jason. He gave this big speech, created this master plan just to screw them over and do it his own way. A fight breaks out, she can hear gunshots and Kory's heavy breathing when she's blasting fire from her hands.

Then Jason falls. 

***

The team comes back to the Tower less than an hour later, thankfully with Jason and some strange kid who saved him but got hurt in the process. As he's being escorted to the medbay, Dick hovers awkwardly over Jason, trying to talk to him, but the boy completely ignores him and quickly retreats to his room. 

Rachel is in the kitchen, watching everything from a distance. She crosses her arms over her chest so no one can see how bad her hands are shaking. Not just from fear but also anger. She hasn't been this angry in a long time. 

She's trying not to look at him but at some point her and Dick's eyes meet and she feels like she's going to explode. He smiles at her and takes a step her way but his smile falters upon seeing her furrowed brows, clenched jaw and lips pressed into a thin line. A look of understanding appears on his face when he realizes she knows what happened. 

"Rachel, I-"

"Don't." she stops him with her hand. "Just don't."

She leaves her half eaten sandwich on the plate and storms out of the room, not even looking over her shoulder. But he's faster than her so he catches up to her in the hallway, right next to her room.

"Listen, I can explain."

"Really?" she whips around, so angry her eyes flash red for a moment. "So tell me. Was it a split-second decision or a suicide mission was your plan all along?"

Dick opens his mouth to say something but no words come out, which only confirms her theory. He planned to do it from the beginning. Without telling anyone. A lump materializes in her throat as angry tears fill her eyes, one escaping down her cheek. She presses her arms to her sides to stop them from shaking but her fists are clenched so tight she can feel her fingernails digging painfully into her skin.

"What the  _ fuck _ were you thinking, Dick?" she hisses through gritted teeth. "Do you have any idea how  _ scared _ I was?"

He bows his head down and stares at the floor, ashamed. Good. He should be. Then, looking back at her he takes a step closer, already reaching out to her.

"Rach, I'm-"

"No." she snaps, slapping his hand away. His pained expression tugs at her chest but her anger is stronger. "Don't 'Rach' me. Just…  _ why _ ? Tell me why would you even do something like this?"

He stares at her for a moment, then sighs. He starts pacing, thinking,  _ stalling _ , which only makes her more furious. She wants to scream, slam her fists on his chest, grab him by the collar of his shirt and shake this stupidity out of him.

"Deathstroke and I…" he finally says, coming to a stop in front of her. "We have some unfinished business."

Rachel raises an eyebrow at him.

"What kind of unfinished business?"

The answer he gives her only makes her wants to slap him.

"The one I can't tell you about."

"Can't or won't?"

There's nothing he can say to that, so he looks down again, sighing deeply. She's not going to go easy on him, not after he almost got himself killed on purpose, without even thinking about consequences of his actions or about how she and their other teammates would feel about it. 

"I'm really sorry, Rachel." he whispers after a while, his eyes filled with pain and regret. But this time it's not enough.

"You know what? Forget it." she says, already stepping into her room. "Come and apologize when you really mean it."

And with that she slams the door right in his face. He stands there for a little longer, but after a moment he gives up and walks away, leaving her alone. 

***

Her anger doesn't fade away, but it begins to mix with something else - concern. Because something feels off, something feels  _ wrong _ . She's been avoiding him for most of the next day but she couldn't help but pick up on his emotional state. He didn't sleep at all - he hasn't since Jason went missing which was over twenty four hours ago. The amount of self hatred and loathing is alarming but she can't confront him about it because Dick left the Tower in the morning and hasn't been back since. And Rachel stops thinking about it for a while because Kory needs her help with healing the new guy and then Jason starts pissing everyone off. She knows they should probably cut him some slack since he just had been kidnapped by a psychopath but the crosses painted all over her room are a low blow even for him and she won't tolerate that.

But then Dick storms back into the Tower, gun in his hand, eyes wide and panicked, whispering frantically that Deathstroke is in here and the view is honestly terrifying. He's glancing around, staring at something that isn't there… it's confusing and heartbreaking to watch. But it disappears as soon as it showed up and before she knows it, Dick leaves them again, following after Jason who stormed out of the room just as Dick walked in. 

  
  


***

The tension in the room grows thicker with each word falling from Dick's mouth. He's standing before them like a convict making his last confession as he reveals what really happened five years ago. Using Deathstroke's son against him, the real circumstances of Jericho's death. The anger and feeling of betrayal are flooding the room like gallons of water. But nothing is heavier than Dick's guilt and shame.

Rachel can feel all of this pouring into her head from every direction, making her feel confused and dizzy. She's angry at him too, but for different reasons than the others. He should have told them about what happened here. He should have told them everything the moment they learned who Rose is. He had brought them here to give them a home yet started on a lie. 

When Hank throws the punch, Rachel flinches but can't look away. Part of her thinks Dick deserved it but her insides immediately twist into knots at the thought. It feels like the room is filled with gunpowder or dynamite - one spark, one wrong word and everything will explode.

Rose and Jason leave first. Then Hank and Dawn. And finally Donna. When Rachel says she wants to go with her it feels like the words aren't her own. But she has to get out of here, get away from them. There's so many conflicting emotions in the room she can barely recognize which ones are her own.

She doesn't dare look at Dick's face. She doesn't have to. He had expected the others to leave, but not her, and that hurts more than anything else. It's like a punch in the gut and she doesn't want to see the pain in his eyes. Gar tries to stop her and she uses it as a distraction, turning her back to Dick completely.

She runs to her room, throws few most necessary items to her backpack and they leave within an hour. He's not trying to stop her, like she expected him to. He's not trying to talk to her. He's just standing there on the balcony, still like a statue, watching them. And as Rachel gets into the cab after Donna, she doesn't dare look up at him even though his eyes burn holes in her back. 

Now that she's away from the mess of the Tower, Rachel can think more clearly. And her mind is telling her to run. Donna is making her blood boil with her bullshit accusations, acting like she's a saint or something and Rachel quickly points that out to her, calling her out on her hypocrisy. The car stops because of a traffic and that's all she needs. One string of her black smoke is all it takes to keep Donna from stopping her and few moments later Rachel is wandering the streets of San Francisco, having no idea where to go.

But for once it's good to be alone.


	11. Don't Give Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 11! Still angsty, but things are starting to get better. Honestly, one of my favorite chapters to write and episodes to analyze. Enjoy and see you soon with chapter 12!

Despite the lack of rain, the cemetery is filled with people holding black umbrellas. The crowd is quiet and still and Rachel has no problem moving through it. Something is pulling her towards the centre of the funeral. She knows she's supposed to be there, she just doesn't know why.

When she sees the name on the gravestone she wants to run, but her feet won't listen. She can't take a breath no matter how hard she tries, she's suffocating, barely able to see the white letters on the black marble through her tears.

Dick Grayson

1990 - 2019

_ No. Please, no. This can't be true. Please, not him. _

Suddenly there's a hand on her shoulder and Rachel whips around, startled. And there he is, dressed like the other attendees in a black suit and a tie. Instinctively she wants to throw herself into his arms but something about the way he's looking at her stops her. It's like he's looking right through her, to her very soul, his eyes trying to say something his words can't.

"Don't give up." he speaks.

"What?"

"Don't give up!" Dick repeats, more desperately this time. With more urgency. She has no idea what all of this is supposed to mean, this place - this  _ dream _ , because it must be a dream - is scaring her.  _ He _ is scaring her.

In a desperate attempt to understand what's going on Rachel grabs his hand, reaching inside his mind. But all she sees is a neon sign of Elko Diner in the middle of nowhere. The image doesn't tell her anything, leaving her even more confused.

"Dick, what's happening?" she asks when she opens her eyes but in that exact moment a fountain of blood spills from his mouth. She stares at him, wide eyed and shocked but then her eyes land lower and the overwhelming fear starts to choke her because there's a blade sticking out of his chest, covered in blood. Dick looks down at it too, like he had just noticed it and the sounds he makes, choking on his own blood, turn Rachel's cells into ice. Still staring at her he takes his last breath, then falls to her feet. Dead. 

She stands there, frozen, kept in place. She's struggling to breathe, her hands are shaking, her heart is beating out of her chest. She's praying, begging for it to be just a dream, because this cannot be happening.

But then she looks up right into the face of the devil himself. Deathstroke. Rachel instinctively steps back when he turns to her with his weapon still in hand, Dick's blood dripping from the blade. A scream rips out of her, releasing all the fear and pain into the world.

She can still feel it in her sore throat when she wakes up on a cot in an abandoned building somewhere in San Francisco. She looks around, taking in her surroundings and it takes her a moment to remember the girl she met in the homeless shelter and that she let her crash here. But it's not important right now, because Rachel can still smell the blood, she can still see it dripping from his mouth, hear his urgent voice begging her not to give up. On what? Or who? Him? She doesn't know. And Elko, whatever, wherever that is. 

She quickly grabs her phone and picks his number. When was the last time they spoke over the phone? She can't remember. A lot has happened in the past week.

_ Please, pick up _ she begs.  _ Dick, please, answer the phone.  _

It cuts straight to voicemail. And it's full. She can't even leave a message.

Her insides twist into a painful knot. Dick  _ always _ picks up when she's the one calling. This wasn't just a bad dream. It was a warning. Something bad has happened to him - or will in the near future. And it has something to do with Slade Wilson.

***

She should call the others. Kory, maybe Dawn. Hell, even Donna, although she's the last person Rachel wants to see right now. That nightmare gave her a headache and no matter what she does, she can't stop the pounding in her head. And she's scared. Really scared. Dick is in danger and it feels like there's nothing she can do. 

_ I never should have left the Tower _ she thinks and a lump rises in her throat. All that anger she had inside her, all that grudge she's been holding - it all evaporated, vanished into thin air the moment she saw him in that dream. Guilt threatens to crush her, pushing the air out of her lungs.

_ I'm sorry. I should've stayed by your side. _

Even her new friend notices something is troubling her and offers help the only way she can - a Tarrot card reading. But it only makes her feel worse. Because the first card is a picture of a Tower, representing her past and a period of darkness. And it's scary how true it is. Trigon. Deathstroke. All the secrets that blew up in their faces. 

"Your present - the moon. The realm of dreams." The girl says as she flips another one of the cards, alerting Rachel immediately. "Your unconscious knows the way back to the light. You have to trust your intuition. It will guide you to your purpose."

Dick. He is her purpose right now. She needs to find him, save him. And if she's supposed to trust her intuition then she should leave as soon as possible. The time is running out. 

But the last card sends shivers down her spine.

"Your future…" Dani starts, her voice uncertain. Whatever she's going to say, it doesn't look good. "The hanged man. Brutality is coming your way. You must… prepare to make a great sacrifice or… suffer a great loss."

Rachel looks down at the card and it feels like the image is pulling her forward, the face of the hanged man seems familiar, real even. She leans in to have a closer look when suddenly the hanged man is reaching out to her, calling her name. And his voice sounds very much like… 

_ Dick _ .

Rachel jolts upright, gasping. This is too much. There really must be something wrong if she's getting all those signs. She needs to hurry.

She's at the bus station within an hour.  _ Your unconscious knows the way back to the light _ the cards said. She has no idea where to go but her dreams has led her to Dick Grayson before, so maybe they can do it again. She dumps the rest of her cash on the counter, hoping it will be enough for a ticket. She looks at the destination board, really starting to regret this idea, when one of the city names catches her eye.

"Elko…!" she breathes out, not believing in her own luck. As the lady behind the counter hands her the ticket, Rachel is struck with a weird sense of deja vu, her mind wandering back to the day her mom was killed. She ran away to the Traverse City bus station, dropped all her lunch money on the counter and asked for a ticket, randomly picking Detroit as her destination. Fate, destiny -  _ something _ \- has led her to him back then and she can only pray it will do it again.

_ I'm coming to you, _ she thinks as she takes her seat. Her eyes burn and she has to blink few times to get rid of the tears. Her head still hurts, so she leans against the cold window, closing her eyes.  _ Please, don't let me be late. _

***

She's at the cemetery again, but this time the place is empty. She can see Dick from a distance, standing over his own grave, his back turned to her. But then she notices a movement on the side and sees Deathstroke emerging from behind a tree, his sword already in hand.

"Dick, look out!" she calls out, stepping closer, but he doesn't hear her. He's just standing there, unaware of the danger. and no matter what she does, she can't get him to notice. She tries to run, but something keeps her in place. She can only watch in terror as Slade lifts his blade and takes a swing at Dick's neck.

Thankfully she wakes up right before the worst happens. Just as the bus passes by the Elko Diner.

"I need to get off." she calls to the driver and a moment later she's standing on parking lot of the place she saw in Dick's mind, somewhere in Nevada. 

_ Why did you bring me here, Dick? _ she wonders as she steps through the front door and when she sees Kory standing inside, Rachel thinks this might be another dream.

*** 

This is all very confusing. First Kory, then Dawn showed up and Donna walked in, claiming she's here because Rachel called her and told her to come here (which she obviously didn't and the Amazon is just trying make up a lame excuse for following her here). But it seems suspicious that they all happened to be here at the exact same time - like they've been brought here by something, or someone. Is Dick behind this? If so, what is his plan?

Things get even weirder when Bruce Wayne himself steps through the front door. Dressed in a white formal jacket and blue social shirt the man looks exactly like she pictured him. She had never met him, only seen him in pictures, but she has no doubts this is Dick's adoptive father. 

"I'm so glad you all could make it." he says in a deep, but unexpectedly warm voice. A soft smile spreads across his face and it contrasts so much with everything Dick has ever told her about him. The smile also tugs at her chest, because Rachel could swear she had seen it before. It looks almost like… 

Like Dick's smile. Her favorite one.

It's probably a coincidence. This man had raised him, it's possible that Dick picked up on some of his mannerisms. 

They all take their seats and turn towards Bruce, Donna filling them in on what happened to Conner and Gar. Guilt clenches Rachel's chest and she wishes again she had never run away from home. Because the Tower  _ is _ their home, a home that Dick gave them and fought so hard to keep it together. And they all left like it meant nothing. It makes her feel sick.

"Lies can tear a family apart and you've been living in the aftermath of that. And that is a lonely place to be." Bruce says in a low, serious tone. "But this was a… this  _ is _ a family of choice. Breaking apart was a choice. In the light of this news, I'm asking to make another one. To come together."

This time the guilt Rachel feels is not only her own. The room is filled with it. They know they fucked up and neither one of them is able to look Bruce in the eyes. Except for her, she's the only one who does. Because there is something about Bruce Wayne she can't quite explain. His presence inside her head feels so much like Dick's sometimes. The more she's listening to him, the more she can hear Dick in his words and at some point the two voices - a father and a son - blend together. For a second she could even swear she sees Dick sitting there instead of Bruce, but the image disappears as soon as she blinks. She's tired, she hasn't slept much lately, maybe that's the reason.

"Walking away from bad feelings is easy." the man continues. "It's much harder to take the blow and come back for more, but that's what a family does. If you can unite, you can face any threat. But if darkness arrives while you're still cast apart, I truly believe that none of you will survive."

Wise words, but can they actually do that? After everything that happened?

Bruce stands up, ready to leave. Rachel still has so many questions but it's clear she's not going to get answers from him. 

"If you won't protect one another, who will?" he asks the final question before grabbing a donut from a plate and leaving. 

When they're still trying to process what just happened, a crackling static noise pierces through the silence. A small, old fashioned tv turns on at the back of the diner, transmitting news coverage about an escape from Kane Jail, one of the biggest, most strict prison facilities in the state of Nevada. 

_ … apparently aided by imprisoned Detroit Police Detective Dick Grayson _ , the reporter says and if Rachel hadn't been leaning on the counter, she would've fallen to her knees. 

He's in prison.

That's why her dream had led her here.

***

Donna storms out of the diner first, rage radiating from her for miles. Rachel is right on her heels, the other two women following behind her. 

"Donna, wait." she calls, but there's no answer.

"Troy, where are you going?" Kory asks and this time Donna turns around.

"Back to San Francisco."

Rachel leaps forward, grabbing the Amazon's hand before she can go to her car.

"No, we  _ need _ to save Dick."

Donna yanks her hand back from her grasp.

"Dick's on his own."

Rachel really can't understand what's happening here. This is Donna Troy. Dick's best friend. They've known each other for over a decade. She's basically his sister, in all ways but blood, he had said it himself. They've been together through countless ups and downs, always supporting each other. They love each other, that's always been clear. So why is she acting like he means less than nothing to her? Is she really that hurt by what happened five years ago or is she masking her own guilt with rage because it's easier to transfer it onto someone else?

Rachel can feel tears coming up when she speaks.

"What is wrong with you?!"

"Me?" Donna snaps back. "Look, I know Dick Grayson, okay? He put himself up on that cross. Nailed himself to it. Now he's going to have to take himself down, too."

"Donna's right." Dawn adds and Rachel feels as the rest of her hope slips through her fingers. "Whatever Dick's doing, he's doing to himself."

Rachel feels like a little kid. She wants to stomp her feet, cry, scream, throw a damn tantrum, because  _ it's not fair _ . Dick would do anything for them, he would stretch himself almost too thin, to the point of breaking, to help them. They are his teammates, his friends, his  _ family _ . Haven't they heard what Bruce said? They need to come together and bring Dick home, why can't they see that? It's like they don't even care what happens to him. He could die and they couldn't care less. They left him once already and Rachel is not going to do that again. She's not giving up on him like they did.

"I'm having dreams again." she admits, making Dawn and Donna stop on their way to the car and turn back to her. "I was at Dick's funeral. Deathstroke killed him."

She's trembling, tears are falling down her cheeks. She's so scared, so terrified that she's going to lose him, that the thought is paralyzing her. She has to save him but she can't do it alone and if they can't see that then she's doomed.

"Look, I know that I sound crazy." she starts again, her voice shaking from sobs she's trying to hold back. "I know that. But Dick needs my help. And I really need yours. Please."

She's pleading, begging now, but she doesn't care. As much as she wishes she could, she can't save him alone.

"I'm sorry, Rachel." Donna says after a moment, before turning back to her car. "Gar needs us more."

"I get why you're doing this." Dawn's soft voice reaches her as the woman walks up to her, lifting a hand to cup her cheek. "I do."

_ Really?  _ Rachel thinks bitterly.  _ If you did you would stay. If you loved him even half as much as I do, you would help me save him.  _

"But I'm gonna go with Donna. As soon you're done here, you come find us, okay?"

"Dawn…"

There's nothing she can do anymore, because Donna already turned on the engine and few seconds later they drive away, leaving her and Kory behind.

Feeling defeated and helpless, Rachel turns slowly to the alien woman.

"So I guess you're leaving too?"

Kory only smirks and shakes her head.

"Hell no. Let's go."

And with that she turns on her heel and walks towards her car.

"Okay, let's go." Rachel mutters under her breath, smiling. With Kory she has a chance. Not all is lost yet. Now they have to figure out how to get him out of that jail.

***

They are still few hours away from Kane, so Rachel takes Kory's advice and tries to get some sleep. At first she's scared the nightmares will come back, but her eyelids are heavy and she's really tired. So she curls into the passenger seat, leaning her head against the window and closes her eyes. 

She's somewhere high, like she's standing in a large window. Looking down she sees the inside of a small, dark room. Bare walls, all concrete. Heavy door locked from the outside. A jail cell.

It takes her a moment to notice the person curled up in the shadows, under one of the walls. Her heart starts beating faster when she recognizes him. And he's saying something. No, he's calling someone, shouting their name. Rachel tries to focus, listening more closely. Is he calling… Bruce?

"Dick!" she shouts. "Dick, it's me!"

He turns his face her way and she almost cries in relief. He's okay. Sweaty and tired, but in one piece. He's looking at her like he can't believe what he's seeing. Like she's not real. Like he doesn't exactly recognize her, but he's still happy she's here. 

"Hey." he whispers after standing up. 

"Are you okay? We're coming for you." she tries to say but her voice comes out as squawking. She looks down at herself only to see black feathers and wings. That's why he can't recognize her - she's a bird. A damn raven.

"Don't worry!" she tries again, even though there's no way he can understand her. "We'll be there soon!"

"Hey! HEY!" He calls again, but she's already flying away, back to the real world. 

Kory throws her a worried look when she wakes up.

"You okay?"

"Uh… yeah." she says, rubbing her forehead. The headache is still there, but it's not so strong anymore.

"Another dream?"

Rachel shrugs.

"Kind of." But after thinking about it for a moment she explains further. "I think I saw Dick in his cell."

Kory grips the steering wheel tighter, her lips pressed into a thin line.

"Is he okay?"

Rachel focuses, trying to remember. He was very pale and sweaty. Trembling. His legs were shaking when he got up.

"I'm not sure." she finally breathes out. "He didn't seem to be injured, but he didn't look good. I think he might be sick."

"Then we better hurry." 

***

They tried to be nice. Asked for a visit but the guard said Dick is not allowed visitors. So they stormed through the facility, their powers in full display, forcing information out of anyone that could have them. No one dared to stop them.

They reached the isolation level. Cell number 12. Kory blew up the door. Only to find the inside empty.

He's not here. 

The only sign he's even been here are the words scribbled on the wall.  _ Jericho is alive. _ What is that supposed to mean or how did Dick exactly find that out, they don't know. But first they need to find him. Fast.

They leave the way they came and no one stops them. The guards step out of their way, scared of what they can do. It's a lot easier than it should've been, but Rachel is not complaining.

"Kory, what are we gonna do now?" she asks when they get into their car and drive away. That paralyzing fear she felt before is creeping its way back into her heart. Dick is out there somewhere, still it grave danger. And he might be really sick. The fact that he managed to escape on his own in this condition is impressive, but what happens when the adrenaline wears off? Is he going to push himself beyond his limits until he collapses somewhere and dies? 

Feeling as her hands are starting to shake again, Rachel folds her fingers together, twisting them. She can't think like that. She can't let herself believe even in a possibility of losing him.  _ Don't give up _ , he begged her in her dream. And she's not going to. She can't give up on him, she won't - just like he wouldn't give up on her.

Kory exhales deeply, pinching the bridge of her nose. She's tired, her powers weren't working properly and it drained her. Rachel can see how frustrating all of it is for her, on top of everything else they have to deal with.

"I don't know, kiddo."

"We need to find him." she whispers, her voice cracking as a lump materializes in her throat. Then she feels a hand brushing her cheek and looks up to see Kory wiping away a tear that escaped her eye.

"We will, honey." the woman says, her voice soft and comforting. Rachel leans into her hand, closing her eyes. "We will."

***

Well, it doesn't look like it. 

They've been driving for hours. Rachel tried to contact him again through dreams, but it didn't work. The one time she needs to have a dream about him, she can't. Great.

Kory grows even more frustrated. Her powers are getting worse and Dick is nowhere to be found. 

"No, Rachel, I'm thrilled to be looking for a guy that doesn't need to be rescued." the woman snaps at her when she asks her what's wrong.

"Dick is in trouble. I saw it."

Kory leans on their car, rolling her eyes.

"Okay then knock yourself out and dream up his exact location."

"He's around here. I think."

Kory gets an alarming text and starts the engine, announcing they're going back to San Francisco because the situation with Gar is far worse than they thought.

But Rachel can only think about one person right now.

"What about Dick?"

They break into a fight. It's stupid, and they both regret their words as soon as they leave their mouths. But they're both scared, worried and angry and it's hard to keep it all inside. Then Kory breaks down crying, talking about how she's slowly losing control over her life and how it's scaring her. They talk it out, reach a mutual understanding.

"We should go back to San Francisco." Rachel says after a moment, even though her insides twist with worry again. "Looks like Gar really needs our help."

"I'm sorry we didn't find Dick." 

"It's okay. He'll find his way back."

The words have a bitter taste in her mouth. Part of her feels like she's betraying him. But deep down she knows Dick would approve this decision. He's a skilled man, totally capable of taking care of himself, even in difficult circumstances. But Gar isn't.

Dick asked her to not give up. This whole time Rachel thought it means she can't give up on him, but maybe it's something different. _Don't give up_ ** _on us_** _. On this family. Fight for it when I can't do it myself._ _Succeed where I failed_. This is what he was trying to say.

Looking out the window, Rachel sends out a message. Maybe he'll get it, maybe he won't. But she needs to say it.

_ I'm not giving up, Dick. I won't let you down. Just please come back to me. _


	12. It's All Us Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 12! We're stepping into season 2 finale. I've decided to split it in two parts, beacuse a) a lot is going on b) I added a lot of in-between moments and c) the finale deals with two different things (spoiler alert) - Dick's comeback and Donna's death. So enjoy this more lighthearted chapter before things get heavy and angsty in the next one. And don't worry - maybe the season is over, but this story is not *wink wink*  
> Enjoy and see you soon with chapter 13!

They are back at the Tower by the evening. Dawn and Donna lay out what they know to them and honestly, the situation isn't good. It's just four of them against a brainwashed tiger and an enhanced superboy. 

"Look, I don't know what we're going up against, but I can guarantee it won't be pretty." Donna warns them when they drive through the city to get to the Golden Gate Park and it scares Rachel. She's right, they're going up against their friends, but they might not be their friends anymore.

"I won't hurt Gar." she declares, shaking her head. "I don't care what they've done to him. I just won't."

Donna shoots her a worried glance in the mirror.

"If they're hurting innocent people, we need to be prepared-"

The car abruptly comes to a stop when something explodes right in front of them, shattering the front windshield. Kory immediately pushes Rachel under the seat as Donna shouts frantically.

"Deathstroke. Get down!"

Everything happens very fast. He starts shooting at them, Kory wants to draw his fire so they can hit him with all they got, but she gets hit in her arm before she can even do anything. Then something lands with a thud on the roof of the car and everything stops. 

Deathstroke lowers his weapon, focusing his attention somewhere else. The girls can only sit in the car, watching the situation unfold. 

"You should've stayed home." Slade says to whoever just showed up. He draws his gun again, but is quickly disarmed by something.

Then they see him. A blur of black and blue, so strange yet so familiar. Throwing kicks and punches, jumping, spinning, fighting harder than ever before. For a brief moment he turns to face them and they can't believe their eyes.

"Dick?" Donna asks, completely confused.

"Who's hit?" is his only response. The message is clear. There's no time for explanation. He's okay. He's here to fight. And win. To put an end to this once and for all. 

(And he has a new suit.)

"Kory."Rachel quickly gives him an answer.

"You take care of her. I'll take care of him." he orders and she can feel a smile tugging at her lips. He's back. "This is my fight."

He turns back to his opponent, fully confident that they can handle Kory's injury on their own. Deathstroke draws another weapon, causing a cold shiver to run through Rachel's body, because this time it's a sword. The exact same one he used to kill Dick in her dream. For a moment she gets lost in their fight, scared of what might come of it. But as dangerous as it looks, there's some kind of beauty in it. Dick is not brutal anymore, he's mostly dodging the hits, jumping and almost dancing around Slade like… like the boy from the circus he deep down still is. He's using his acrobatic skills to distract and deflect. 

It's breathtaking and she can't take her eyes off of it but Dick gave her a job to do. So she quickly turns her attention to Kory.

"I've never seen you bleed." She whispers as she puts her now glowing hand over a deep cut on her arm. "I didn't think you could."

Kory gasps softly but after a moment her skin is clear, no sign of injury. The woman smiles at her in gratitude, pressing her palm to her face to cup her cheek. 

A flash of electricity catches their attention and they turn their heads to see Dick drawing a weapon of his own.

Escrima sticks, Rachel remembers the name. She had seen him train with these multiple times at home, but the ones they have at the Tower aren't real weapons, they're strictly for training. These ones? They're deadly.

For a while the luck is on Dick's side. He's saying something but they can't hear him over the clash of metal and buzz of electricity. But Slade sends him on the ground eventually and starts kicking him in the gut whenever he's trying to get up. Rachel is flinching with every hit. She can almost physically feel his pain as her own. It's scary to watch and even scarier to feel. Dick is struggling to get up, his legs and arms are shaking and when Deathstroke raises his blade, preparing to throw his final blow, Rachel holds her breath. Is her nightmare going to come true right before her eyes?

"Dick, get up…" she whispers. _Please, don't let this happen._

Then Rose appears. In a set of armor of her own she takes her place beside Dick and after a brief exchange of words the fight continues. It feels like forever but it's over in a matter of minutes. Rose pierces her sword right through her father's chest. She takes off his mask, lifts her own and after a second a white mist envelopes them before Slade's body falls to the ground. And Rachel remembers. Jericho could jump from body to body, possessing people. This is how he survived, she realizes. Dick must've figured it out first. And this is exactly what happened now. 

Donna is the first one to get out of the car. She approaches Dick and Rose slowly while they're talking, her eyes focused on Deathstroke. Rachel, Kory and Dawn stay inside, keeping their distance. 

"Is he…?" the Amazon asks, causing Dick turn to her.

"Dead? Yeah. How's Kory?"

"Rachel patched her up."

Dick nods, looking down at the body again, then turns back to Rose (or Jericho? She's not sure right now).

"Let's go home."

"The night's not quite over yet." Donna tells him, getting back his attention. They still have work to do, friends to save. 

Rachel can't sit still anymore and when Dick and Donna start walking towards the car, immersed in a conversation, she jumps out of it, Kory and Dawn following right behind her.

"Dick!"

He stops at the sound of his name, a little surprised, but still opens his arms for her and she runs right into them. Tears blur her vision when she throws her arms around his neck and she can't hold back a sob when he picks her up and pulls her close, burying his face in her hair.

"Rachel…" he breathes out in relief and smiles against her neck, making her press herself to him even closer. His chestplate is hard and it's poking at her ribs but she couldn't care less at the moment. He's here, he's okay. His mind feels clear. His heart is beating fast and strong, its fire warming her up after days of cold and fear. It's finally over.

She thinks the word before she can stop herself. It's a feeling, an instinct, flashing through her mind like a lightning during a thunderstorm. A natural response. 

_Dad…_

Dick sucks in a sharp breath and pulls her closer, his arms immediately tightening around her. Then he presses a soft kiss to her cheek, his touch light as a feather and, so quietly she can barely hear him, he whispers with a trembling voice.

"Oh, baby…"

The sound turns into a quiet laugh and he squeezes her tighter one last time before putting her back down. He pulls away, lifts his hands to cup her face for a moment before resting them on her shoulders and his expression turns into one of concern when his eyes look her over.

"Are you okay?" he asks, voice filled with worry. Rachel smiles at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Are you?"

"I'll live." 

"Cool suit." she teases him, poking her finger at the centre of his chest. "Change of image?"

Dick laughs under his breath and grins at her. Falling back into their usual banter is as easy as breathing for them.

"Maybe. You like it?"

Rachel's eyes land on the electric blue symbol on his chest and she lays her hand over it. It kind of looks like a bird and she wonders what is the meaning behind it, if there's any. One thing is sure, he's not Robin anymore. 

"I love it." she breathes out smiling and looks up at him when he covers her hand with his own, squeezing gently.

"I was hoping you would."

"Hate to break a reunion, guys." Kory says from behind her and Rachel turns to look at her friend. "But we still have an urgent situation to deal with. Brainwashed tiger, rogue Superman's clone, remember?"

Dick immediately straightens up, his face serious.

"Tell me everything you know."

***

They split up once again, Dick staying behind to help Rose and Jericho with Deathstroke's body while the girls head to the park. 

"You are Gar's best shot." he tells her, pulling her aside before they separated. "He was able to reach you and bring you back multiple times, I can only guess it works both ways."

She gives him a shy smile, humbled by his faith in her. Going without him, even if it's only temporary, makes her feel nervous. But if Dick believes she can do it, she's going to try.

"Yeah, I hope so."

"Just be careful, okay?" he whispers, tilting her chin up gently with his gloved fingers. "Remember what I taught you."

Rachel's smile grows.

"Yes, sir."

***

"Gar, we don't have much time."

She's crouching in front of a giant green tiger, laying on a wet pavement in the middle of a carnival's square. No one in their right mind would step so close to a wild animal, but this is her best friend. She's not afraid. Yes, he'd clawed at her once already and is now growling softly as she's trying to reach him, but the fact that he even let her get this close must mean something.

"Do you remember…" she starts slowly, looking him in the eyes. "...we were back at Angela's house. Trigon was trying to turn everyone dark. You were the only one he couldn't turn."

The tiger lifts his head, reacting to her voice. It looks like it's working.

"When you touched me, you reminded me who I really was. So, I'm gonna touch your paw." She slowly extends her hand, reaching out, and she is not backing away even when she hears a low growl. "Your hand. 'Cause I know who you really are… even if you don't."

The tiger roars in protest but Rachel doesn't stop.

"Please, come back." she whispers, then grabs Gar's paw with her glowing hand.

Memories start flashing through her mind, faces of their friends, happy and smiling. She sees herself, Kory, Hank, Donna, Conner, Dawn and Dick - their family. She sees the team of superheroes Gar wants so bad to be a part of. She feels his fears and hopes, sees his dreams and holds on to them. Then she gasps sharply and when she opens her eyes, all she sees is her friend's bright, green eyes staring back at her. His human eyes. 

A wide smile spreads across her face.

"Gar!"

"Rachel…" he breathes out, smiling as well. She quickly takes off her long cardigan and gives it to him so he can cover himself up, then jumps to her feet and helps him stand up.

"How do you feel?" she asks him, concern filling her voice. Gar looks around, disoriented, but smiles softly when his eyes land on her face.

"Surprisingly okay, considering." he admits. "Uh, have you seen my clothes, maybe? I wonder where they are…"

She laughs and wraps her arms around his neck, relief overcoming her. Gar pats her back with one hand while trying to keep his cover in place with the other, but she can feel his smile against her shoulder.

"Gar! Rachel!"

They pull away at the sound of their names and turn to see Dick running towards them. Gar's eyes widen and Rachel chuckles, realising that this is his reaction to what Dick is wearing. But he doesn't get a chance to say anything because in that moment Dick pulls them both into a quick, but bone crushing hug.

"Everything okay?" The man asks, a little out of breath, as he takes in a sight of them, undoubtedly searching for injuries.

"Yeah, we're good." she nods and smiles at him, feeling incredibly grateful to have him back. 

"Uh… new suit?" Gar asks a bit awkwardly, not being able to tear his gaze off of it. 

"Yeah." Dick chuckles. "And you can check it out later but right now we have work to do." 

He pats the boy on his shoulder with a smile as Gar's eyes sparkle with excitement. Then he turns to her.

"Rach, I need you."

She stares at him with wide eyes, surprised.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you." Dick nods and grins at her, but then his face turns serious. "Can you send me into Conner's mind?"

Rachel blinks few times, processing what he just said.

"Wait, you want me to do _what_?"

"Channel me through you into his mind so I can pull him out of this hypnosis. You think you can do that?"

She's not sure, to be honest. During their training they talked about using her ability to access people's minds in a fight. They went through possible scenarios. But channeling someone else?

"I… I think so. Are you sure it's safe? For him and you?"

"You've already been in my head so I figured it would be easier for you than with someone else."

Rachel looks down, frowning. What if something goes wrong? What if she loses control and hurts Dick in the process? What if-

"Hey." Dick speaks softly, laying a hand on her shoulder. His features soften at the sight of fear in her eyes when she looks up at him. "It'll be fine. I know you can do this. You've trained hard for this."

She honestly can't believe how much he believes in her. How he's always encouraging her. It makes her love him even more.

"You trust me that much? After everything that happened, after what I've done?"

_After I hid my struggles from you, after I attacked Jason, hurt Gar and almost killed Rose. After I left you in the dirt when you needed me._

"We live and we learn. I made mistakes, too. I screwed up more times than I can count. But I'm still here. And yes, Rachel. I do trust you."

She studies his face for a moment but finds nothing but pure faith and love in his eyes. Nobody has ever put so much trust in her. Nobody ever _cared_ so much about her. The fact that Dick build his entire plan around her proves how much he believes in her. She feels her throat tightening from emotions overcoming her but she swallows it down and looks at him with determination in her eyes.

"So where do we start?"

Dick's eyes light up behind his mask as he smiles proudly at her.

"Follow me."

***

She draws Conner's attention so Donna can trap him with her lasso. Once the boy is held down, Rachel sends a string of black smoke his way, wrapping it around him and linking herself to him. His mind feels like a hurricane went through it, everything overshadowed by the urge to destroy. But Rachel stands strong, her power flows through her at a steady pace, she's in full control.

 _Deep breaths_ , she reminds herself, just as Dick instructed her. _Deep breaths_.

"Dick, hurry up. This guy's really strong." she warns him as she prepares herself to create a connection. She grunts as she moves towards him, while trying to keep Conner in place. "Okay, it's all you now."

"It's all _us_ now." Dick corrects her and steps closer, reaching out without hesitation. She walks up to him and takes his hand, letting her smoke crawl from her arm to him and cover him whole. It flows through him back to Conner and links the three of them, making the world around them fade away. 

It's getting harder to keep hold on both of them. She calls out to Dick to hurry up, because she's not sure how much longer she can maintain it. Her own mind flashes between the real world and their minds, memories and feelings mixing together. The images of dark hallways and laboratories blend in with jail cells. She sees herself as she told Gar she can't stay in the Tower, right before she left with Donna. Then she sees Bruce Wayne standing in the middle of a dark prison cell. 

_I think you just wanted a reason to give up_ , he says. _Not just on Jericho but everybody. Rachel, Gar, Jason…_

The view switches up again, to a laboratory room at CADMUS. And a different voice, a female one, speaks up.

_You must listen to my voice. You're mine, Conner._

Rachel tries to push harder against their minds, sending out a message.

_Find the light._

She feels a push back. And another, and another. And with every push she feels lighter, warmer. 

The images in her mind change. First she sees the face of a woman, the one who visited them when they brought Conner into the Tower. She smiles brightly, her eyes are filled with tears. Then she sees Gar, smiling and cheering loudly as he and Conner play video games in the living room.

She feels the next memory before she can see it, partially because it's also her own. A smell of freshly brewed coffee. The sound of people chatting around them. Dick's arm wrapped around her as they navigate their way through the crowd. 

The scenery changes. It's dark, but she recognizes the place. Chief's basement. She stares at her own face covered with tears, darkness filling her eyes. But there's no fear, only love. Pure, unconditional, overwhelming love.

_You have me, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, okay?_

Rachel holds on to that memory a little longer. She knew Dick meant every word when he said it, but now she can actually feel it. And she can feel how scared he was of how much he already loved her. How quickly and effortlessly she became a part of his life. What he would do to keep her safe and what would happen to him if he ever lost her.

Rachel opens her eyes to find Dick awake as well, smiling at her proudly. Conner is back too and when he asks to let him go, Dick nods, giving her permission to release him. She pulls the string of smoke back and Conner moves past them, ready to deal with CADMUS once and for all.

She feels Dick's arm around her shoulders as he pulls her to his side.

"That's my girl." he whispers with a smile before pressing a quick kiss to the side of her head. "I knew you could do it."

Rachel smiles at him brightly.

"I had the best teacher."

His laugh is the greatest melody she'd ever heard.

"Come on." he says, rubbing her shoulder. "It's time to go home."


	13. Doesn't Matter How Strong We Are, We Can't Always Change The World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 13! Time to finish season 2, which means angst. Spoiler warning for character death but if you're here reading this, I guess you know what happened. And don't worry - the season might be over, but this story isn't finished yet. Since we have to wait for season 3 till 2021 (deep sigh), I'm stretching this story a little, letting my headcanons free and hoping at least a fraction of it happens on screen in some shape or form. Two chapters left, people! So enjoy and see you soon with chapter 14!

When Donna falls, everything slows down. 

One moment people around them are cheering and clapping, celebrating their heroes. The next one a transmission tower falls down and Donna sprints right under it, keeping it from crushing the crowd. But even someone as powerful as her, someone with blood of ancient warriors coursing through their veins is not invincible. 

Dick gets to her first. He stops before her, hands frozen above her body, shaking. He stands there, still and unmoving and they know. 

Dick carefully lifts her body from a still smoking metal construction and lowers them both on the ground, cradling her in his lap. He's silent, there's not even a single tear on his face, but his heart is  _ screaming _ in agony, Rachel can feel it from where she's standing. Something pulls her to him and she moves, wanting to help, to ease his pain, to comfort him, to do  _ something _ \- but Kory stops her. She lays her hand on her shoulder gently and when Rachel turns, the woman shakes her head slowly, her bottom lip trembling and eyes filled with tears. Feeling her throat tightening, Rachel turns back to look at them again and the first sob escapes her lips. She covers her mouth with her sleeve because the sound feels like an eruption in the stillness and silence of the moment. But sobs keep coming anyway and the next thing she knows Kory is pulling her to her chest, guiding her head to hide in the crook of her neck. Her hands run slowly across Rachel's back and shoulders but Kory is crying too, she can feel her body shaking.

They stay like this for several moments until Rachel hears a sound of heavy footsteps passing them. She turns her head, without escaping Kory's embrace, to see Hank slowly approaching Dick. He took his cowl off and she can see his own tears glimmering on his face in the colorful lights. But his expression is tight, eyes focused, he's ready to act. Unlike Dick, who just seems… numb. 

The Hawk crouches down next to them and carefully, almost hesitantly reaches towards Donna with his gloved hand, running his fingers over her cheek gently. His hand immediately flies back to his mouth in an attempt to cover up a sob and he bows his head down, trying to collect himself. Dick doesn't react to any of it, his eyes focused on Donna's face, his hand brushing her hair away. Rachel moves her eyes there. Wonder Girl looks like she's just sleeping. There's no wound, no injury, no blood. Nothing to fix, nothing to heal. Her heart is not beating and her mind is just a static noise, nothing else.

Hank moves and mutters something to Dick, finally getting his attention.

"We need to move her." Rachel can hear his words carry through the silence. "Take her home."

Dick presses his lips into a thin line and nods, then gestures Hank to help him get up. But it turns out Dick can barely move, his entire body is shaking and he falls to his knees, almost dropping Donna on the cold, wet pavement, when he tries to lift her. Hank is quick to catch them and carefully takes her from him, picking her up like she weighs nothing. He starts walking towards the rest of them but stops and turns around when he realizes that Dick isn't moving. He's just kneeling there, head bowed down. He looks broken. Defeated. The view shatters Rachel's heart.

Dawn is immediately at his side, taking his face in her hands and whispering something to him. Rachel can't hear her but she sees that Dick is listening. She can feel Kory relax against her when he nods and slowly gets up with Dove's assistance. Rachel herself sighs in relief at the sight.

She wants to reach out and take his hand, but he passes them like they don't exist, his eyes focused only on a dark haired girl in Hank's arms. She's the only thing on his mind right now and Rachel understands. So she lets Kory pull her closer to her, reaches for Gar's hand instead, and together, in complete silence, they head home.

***

The Tower is so quiet it's deafening. The waves of grief and sorrow come crashing down on her from every direction as she's wandering the empty halls of their home. Gar decided to get some sleep and politely asked to be left alone, so Rachel gave him one last hug and quietly left the room. She ached for her best friend, but after everything that happened he needed his space and she respected his wish. 

Her feet carry her to the infirmary, where pain and grief are the loudest. The door is closed, but she can see what's happening inside through a small window. And it breaks her heart.

Donna is laying down on the bed, still in her Wonder Girl suit. If Rachel didn't know better, she would say the woman is only resting. Unfortunately, the reality is much, much worse. Dick is sitting by her side, his back to the door. He's hunched over her, clutching her hand tightly in between his own, and even though she can't hear anything from inside, Rachel can say he's crying from the way his entire body shakes and shivers. He's still in his new suit, which means he hasn't left her side since they came back, which was almost two hours ago. 

Kory comes into view as she approaches him slowly, comfortingly putting her hands on his shoulders. She says something to him and he nods, but doesn't turn away from Donna even for a second. Kory lingers for a moment, then moves towards the door. She notices Rachel through the window, which throws her off guard, but she quickly collects herself and steps out of the room, quietly closing the door behind her.

"How is he?" Rachel asks the moment she's sure he can't hear them, although she might already know the answer. Kory glances back at him and her shoulders sink. She seems very tired and it's evident on her face she's been crying as well.

"He's devastated." she admits finally. "Kept the tough act as long as he could but he crumbled down the moment he's been left alone with her."

Rachel feels her throat closing and she struggles to take a breath. Her eyes burn, tears threatening to spill any moment. She wants to go in there, wrap her arms around him and tell him everything's gonna be okay. She wants to hold him, just like he had held her many times before.

"He shouldn't be alone." she whispers, but her voice comes out shaky.

"He  _ wants _ to be alone." Kory replies and steps closer, taking the weeping girl in her arms. Rachel clings to her as her tears start to fall. Kory runs her fingers through her hair, trying to calm her down, but it does no good.

"I just wish I could do more." Rachel sobs and feels Kory squeezing her tighter. "Take his pain away."

"I know, honey." the woman whispers back, her voice tight from emotions. "But the best we can do is give him space right now. Let him say goodbye. You'll see, he will come to us when he's ready."

Kory then suggests she should go and get some rest and Rachel gratefully agrees. So she retreats to her room, takes a quick shower and she's in bed in a matter of fifteen minutes. But sleep just won't come. Just like during her dream about the circus, her and Dick's emotions are in perfect sync, even more so after recent events which only made their connection stronger. She can feel his pain as her own and it kills her inside. Losing Donna lies heavy on all of them, but it's Dick who's taking it the hardest. Him and Donna have been best friends since they were kids. They knew each other better than they knew themselves. Donna was basically his older sister, in every way but blood. He loved her. Even when they didn't see eye to eye, even when they lied to each other and caused each other pain, they still loved each other fiercely and dearly. Such a loss can break you in ways beyond understanding. If only Rachel could do something… 

She doesn't know how much time passes since she laid down when she hears footsteps behind her bedroom door. She closes her eyes and evens out her breath, making it look like she's asleep, and just as she expected it, the door open slowly after a moment. 

She doesn't have to open her eyes to know who it is. She recognizes the scent of his shower gel, the sound of his footsteps, but most importantly the soft hum of that fire inside his heart, louder every time he's near her. She hears a quiet click, which means he closed the door and few seconds later her mattress dips under his weight on her right side. 

It's so tempting to open her eyes and look at him, but she forces herself to remain still. His hand comes up to her cheek, stroking it gently, his touch light like a feather. He takes her hair out of her face and tucks her blanket right under her chin, then rests his hand on her shoulder and just sits there, quiet and still. She can feel his eyes on her but doesn't dare look back. Then Dick leans down slowly and plants a gentle kiss to her temple, his hand cradling the top of her head. He rests his forehead against hers and stays like that for a moment, his shuddering breath warm against her skin.

She can't take this anymore so she grabs his hand quickly when he pulls away, making him stop.

"Stay." she whispers so quietly he can barely hear her. He's on the verge of crying and he has to blink few times to get rid of the tears before he nods wordlessly and slips under the covers next to her. She cuddles herself to him instantly, taking shelter inside his embrace, but this time he's the one who needs it more. So she buries her face in his chest and squeezes him tight, hoping to ease his pain at least a little. Dick grips her just as tight, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. 

"Nightmares again?" he mumbles into her hair, misinterpreting her intentions. When she looks up at him, Dick explains.

"Kory told me. Are you okay?"

Rachel sighs deeply. Always looking out for others, even when he's falling apart himself.

"I should be asking you that question."

He smiles sadly at her, his hand brushing her cheek.

"Don't worry. I will be."

"I'm so sorry." she chokes out suddenly, feeling tears coming up. "For everything. For the way everyone treated you, for leaving your side when you needed support… everything was falling apart and you just wanted to keep us together. And now Donna is…"

Her words turn into sobs and Dick pulls her closer to him, his hand coming to stroke her back gently.

"Hey, shh… It's alright, Rach. You have nothing to be sorry for. I fucked up, it's all on me."

She shakes her head against his chest.

"No, don't say that." she tells him. "You shouldn't take all the blame."

"That's the hardest part of being a leader." he replies. "You bare it so they don't have to. Even if it's not fair."

They lay in silence for a few minutes, just breathing together. Dick continues to rub her back slowly until her tears stop falling and her breathing evens out.

"Better?"

"Yeah… " she nods and snuggles to him closer. "I'm really sorry about Donna."

"She went the way she always wanted to go. A warrior, fighting for innocents and saving lives. As much as it hurts, I need to honor that."

He plants another long, loving kiss on her forehead and despite her broken heart, Rachel smiles. She loves when he does that.

"Get some rest, baby." he whispers, his breath warm on her skin. "It was a long day."

"Don't leave."

"I'm not." he soothes, squeezing her tighter in confirmation. "I'm not going anywhere."

***

She has a faint memory of a kiss pressed to her cheek and a soft  _ Sleep, honey. It's early. _ whispered to her ear when she wakes up in the morning and finds the spot next to her empty. For a brief moment she lets herself think that last night (or even this entire week) was just a bad dream. That she's gonna walk into the kitchen and find Dick smiling at her from behind the counter, already preparing her breakfast. Gar will be making his disgusting green smoothie with the assist from Kory while Donna and Dawn sit on the couch, drinking their morning coffee. And Hank and Jason will be in the training room, already sparring.

But for once the reality is harsher, much more cruel than Rachel's dreams.

She only finds Kory and Gar in the kitchen. Gar has his usual smoothie, but he's only stirring it slowly with a straw, with no actual intention of drinking it. His shoulders are hunched over, hair a mess and there are dark circles under his eyes, which means he probably didn't sleep at all. Kory doesn't look much better, hair tied up in a messy bun on top of her head, no trace of her usual perfect makeup. She sets a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon in front of Rachel and informs her that Dick is already off making arrangements, knowing exactly that Rachel would ask about him sooner or later.

It makes sense. They have a funeral to plan. And going out, making arrangements, actually focusing on something is better than sitting here and dwelling on what happened. So she only nods in response and silently starts eating, knowing there's no point of dragging that topic.

***

The ride to the airport is quiet and short. Too short. She'd rather drive for hours, just so she wouldn't have to face the reality. 

She doesn't know the details, but it looks like the Amazons are taking Donna's body back to Themyscira. They've send their own plane and Dick set up a meeting at the airport just outside the city, away from prying eyes of other people.

He's driving now, with Kory at his side, while Gar and Rachel are stuck in the back. It's almost like in the beginning, she thinks. Just the four of them, packed up in an old minivan because Dick's Porsche was too small. Right now she would give anything to come back to those days.

She's watching him closely, but he seems to be unaware of it. She can see his eyes in the mirror, sharp and focused on the road and the car in front of them. Or rather on what -  _ who _ \- is inside that car. His hands are clutching the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. He's doing everything he can to stop them from shaking.

Not for the first time today all Rachel wants to do is reach out and take his hand. She did, multiple times during the day, but it always ended too soon. Dick every time appreciated the gesture, smiling softly at her, squeezing back gently, once even bringing her hand up to his lips, kissing her knuckles lightly. But he always let go right after, focusing back on whatever he was doing at the moment.

_ Not now _ , he seemed to say.  _ There will be a time for it later. _

If only she could do something. Say a magic word, reverse time and make sure none of it happens. She would know better, do better,  _ be _ better. Everyone would.

What's the worst is that Dick and Donna didn't even get a chance to talk things out. She left Dick thinking that she hated him for what happened, that she didn't want to do anything with him and that he completely deserved everything that happened to him - which is as far from the truth as possible. Donna loved him, even when she didn't agree with him, he has to know that. 

Rachel can't imagine how that must hurt. Donna was the closest thing Dick had to a sister. His heart is breaking, she can feel it, but she doesn't dare reach further. No matter how bad she wants to, she can't heal his heart from this, just like she can't heal Donna.

Or… 

Rachel sits up straighter, an idea forming in her head. Yes, she can't heal Donna - or she  _ couldn't _ with the powers she had before. But ever since Trigon turned her heart into a gemstone and put it in her forehead, her powers started changing dramatically. When the team, turned dark and controlled by the demon, attacked Gar, they beat him up almost to death. Everything happened very quickly and both Rachel and Gar still don't know if he wasn't actually dead (they used to joke that he was, but they were never sure), but she  _ did _ heal him, she  _ did _ bring him back. 

She was able to fully access Dick's mind, take control of it, shape it to her will and free him from Trigon's control.

She had banished her father from this world in a matter of minutes.

She studied, trained and mastered her abilities for months after this. 

And she couldn't overlook what was happening to her recently. She's been able to enter Dick's mind through her dream, while being far away from him. He somehow led her to Elko, where they met Bruce Wayne and that couldn't have been a coincidence. A thought runs through her head. Bruce felt weird to her, very familiar, like she had met him before multiple times, even though she was sure that was the first time. His presence in her mind was similar to Dick's and she recalls the moment she could swear she saw Dick sitting there with them instead of Bruce. 

Suddenly pieces start coming together.

Dick acting off in the last few days. Muttering to himself, seeing things that weren't there. She did notice that, she just didn't give much thought to it the first time. When she had a dream about him locked in his cell, he was calling out to Bruce. And then, when she linked Dick and Conner together… she saw an image of Bruce standing in that cell with Dick. 

But… if Bruce was there, wouldn't he help them? Wouldn't he get Dick out of jail himself instead of arguing with him and coming to the middle of nowhere to give the girls a pep talk?

Maybe… maybe it wasn't Bruce at all.

_ It was me. _

Donna said Rachel called her. Dawn heard her voice over the radio. And Rachel didn't do any of those things. Somehow all of them ended up in the same place, the exact place Dick pointed her towards. Is it possible that she was the one who had brought them together, then somehow pulled an image of Bruce Wayne from Dick's mind and basically projected his consciousness into the world in the physical form?

If she was able to do all of that without even being aware of it happening… maybe she could bring Donna back to life too. 

The plan is crazy and risky. And, she realizes now, she's gonna have to leave to do it. The arrangements has been made, Donna is going to Themyscira, Rachel won't be able to stop that. But she will be able to go with her. The Amazons are not only warriors, they also have knowledge not accessible to other people. Ancient knowledge about magic that could help Rachel more than she could ever imagine. This is an opportunity she's not going to miss.

But… what is she going to tell the team? What is she supposed to tell Dick? Will he even let her go? Does she even want to leave him?

The answer to that last question is simple - no, she doesn't. Not after everything that happened, not after what he just went through, not after that loss. He would never admit it, but he is fragile and he needs them by his side, especially now, or he will fall apart. 

But if there's even a small chance that Rachel could fix it, reunite him with one of the few people he loves more than anything in this world, end his suffering… isn't it worth it?

***

There's no ceremony. No priest. Just a black coffin pulled from the car, two groups of people standing at its sides. 

Dick is holding Donna's weapon, the Lasso of Truth - a coil of golden rope that glows in the hands of an amazon. He passes it to a blond woman Rachel doesn't know. The gesture is almost sacred, it feels like a part of a ritual and maybe it is.

Dick is the only one who boards the plane with the coffin. Dawn explains to them in a hushed voice that since Dick and Donna were like siblings, the Amazons view him as her immediate family, that's why he's allowed to participate in this part and they aren't.

So there is a ritual after all.

Once everything is done, Dick shakes the blond woman's hand and walks away from the plane. Rachel is already waiting for him on the side, preparing for a conversation she doesn't really want to have. But she needs to be sure he's gonna be okay with this. If he tells her to stay, she won't argue.

Just like she expected, he spots her and immediately starts walking her way. 

"Are they taking her back to Themyscira?" she starts when he approaches. She might know the answer already, but she has no other idea how to start and her heart is hammering in her chest.

"They have a place for warriors like Donna." he confirms. "Sacred grounds."

Rachel takes a deep breath. There's no easy way to say it. 

"I should go… with Donna." she finally speaks and she can see the change in his expression. He doesn't like it at all. But he's not surprised either. "If anybody can help her, it's me."

"Look, we all want to bring her back, Rachel."

"You don't understand." she cuts in. She needs to at least try to convince him. "My powers are changing. Getting stronger and… Like, I think I've actually been inside your head. Like I can take your thoughts and bring them to life."

"I've seen you do some amazing things." he tells her, smiling in a way that makes her heart jump in her chest. She had never seen him looking so proud before. "And considering what's in my head… That's pretty messed up."

Rachel chuckles at his joke, glad that he's trying to make it seem easier than it is. The truth is neither of them wants to face the reality of this moment.

"Look, all I'm saying is…"she starts again, her face turning serious. "If there is any chance…"

"If you wanna go, I'm not gonna stop you." he says and she looks him in the eyes. There's pain behind them - he really doesn't want to let her go. But he's not going to tell her what to do either. "But remember - doesn't matter how strong we are, we can't always change the world."

Another lesson. And she takes it to her heart like every other lesson he'd ever given her. She's aware her plan might fail. Playing with death is a tricky thing.

"But we can try." she tells him. "We  _ should _ try."

Dick takes a breath as his eyes study her face. He seems to be considering her words and Rachel holds her breath. He said he's not going to stop her but she won't go if he's not good with this. He looks at the plane for a moment, as if he's thinking what his sister would say about it. Then he turns back to her a smiles.

"Go with Donna." he says and Rachel feels her own smile growing. "Your room will be waiting for you when you get back."

_ You mean you'll be waiting. _

"Who knows, maybe I'll stay on the island." she says instead in a teasing tone, which makes him chuckle. His smile is her greatest treasure and right now she needs to see it more than ever.

"Watch out. Space witch skin isn't made for tropical sun."

Did he just told her to use sunscreen? She can't help but laugh at that.

"Yeah, I'll survive." she says, winking at him. But then her smile drops, because they can't go on like this forever, trying to prevent the inevitable. "Will you?"

_ Will you be okay without me? _

His expression softens. She can feel a whirlwind of his emotions. His fear for her safety. His pride and faith in her. A glimmer of hope.

"I'll miss you."

She's really trying not to cry but his words almost turn her into a sobbing mess. She can feel her lips trembling so she steps forward and loops her arms around his neck, hugging him as tight as she can. He wraps his arms around her just as tight, holding her close to his chest just like many times before and Rachel buries her face in his shoulder, feeling a lump rising in her throat. She has no idea how long she will be gone. This is going to be the first time they are seperated for more than a week. When will she hug him again? When will she hear his voice again? What is she going to do without him?

_ I'll survive, that's what I'm going to do. _

Dick believes in her. He has more faith and trust in her than anyone ever had. He had trained her, taught her as much as he could in those three months that feel incredibly short right now. And because of that, because of  _ him _ , she will survive. 

But she's going to miss him like hell.

"And the others?" she asks when she pulls away, because it's not just him she's leaving. But it's hard enough to say goodbye to him, she's not sure she can handle more. And Dick knows it.

"I'll let the them know." he simply replies.

"Thanks."

Concern twists his face into a frown when he looks at her again. He sighs deeply, then says.

"Be careful."

It feels like he wants to say more, but the words don't come. Her heart breaks again at his expression. He's so worried, so scared that something will happen and he's going to lose her. Rachel doesn't need to read his mind to know that if it was up to him, he would wrap her in his arms and never let go. Shield her from any threat with his own body. Lock her in the Tower like some kind of a princess and keep the world at bay forever. Normally his overprotective nature would annoy her - she would roll her eyes and brush him off, telling him not to worry (not that it would work anyway). But today she's beyond grateful for it.

It's her decision and he's willing to accept it. Doesn't mean he won't try his best to protect her though. So Rachel smiles at him through her tears and lifts her right hand to her head, playfully saluting him.

"Yes, sir."

He smirks at the familiar gesture and when she walks away to board the plane, he stands there, hands in his pockets, watching her every step. She takes her seat and looks out the small window, waving a hand at her family. They wave back, Kory and Gar smiling despite their teary eyes.

_ I'll be back, I promise, _ she thinks as her eyes land on Dick's face. He's going to be okay, she has to believe that. 

She only lets herself cry when she's high in the air, leaving her home and a part of her soul far behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will I ever be over that goodbye scene? No, probably not.  
> Will I ever stop crying every time I watch it? Nope, not happening.  
> Do I have high expectations for their reunion in s3 because of it? DEFINITELY.


	14. I Didn't Think It's Going To Be This Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 14! So, we're past canon now, so just a remainder that this chapter and the next one (which is an epilogue) ARE NOT SHOW CANON. This is just my imagination, wishing, hoping and praying for some good stuff and relationship development for my two faves in s3. I honestly have like a million headcanons of exactly how their reunion would look like, but I am sure that if the writers took the time and space in 2x13 to give them a proper, emotional and heartfelt goodbye, reminding the audience about the importance and strength of this relationship, then their reunion in s3 is going to be at least EQUAL to that. (And there's stuff in here and ch15 that I'm crossing my fingers for to happen but that would be a fucking miracle if it actually did happen, so... Yeah)  
> Enjoy and see you soon with chapter 15!

After a week Wonder Woman herself shows up, announcing she will be Rachel's mentor and teacher. She's carrying a brown leather duffel bag in her hand and says that the team packed her some things she might need. Rachel smiles, knowing exactly who's behind this. She has some time to unpack it later, before bed, and she laughs under her breath as she does so, shaking her head in amusement. There's a load of her most comfortable clothes and a bag of bathroom necessities (thank you, Kory), some of her favorite snacks (courtesy of Gar), a pair of her favorite sneakers and a Wayne Enterprises device to charge her phone without electricity (obviously from Dick). Underneath it all is a framed picture and Rachel bursts out laughing. It's a selfie the three of them took together - Gar is in the middle, holding the camera and winking at her, to his left Kory is blowing her a kiss and on the other side Dick is smiling proudly. She sets the frame on her bedside table. Oh how she misses these dorks.

At the very bottom of the bag there's one item that surprises her. It's a neatly folded dark blue t-shirt, few sizes too big on her, with a post-it note attached to it.

_ In case you get homesick. Miss you. Be safe. -Dick.  _

It's one of his old t-shirts, the one she might have borrowed from him once or twice in the last few months. She lifts the soft fabric slowly to her face and closes her eyes, her throat suddenly feeling tight. It smells like him, a delicate mix of his aftershave and expensive cologne. It smells like  _ home _ .

She sleeps in it every night from now on. And even when the familiar scent fades away after a while, it still brings her comfort, making her feel less alone. 

***

Her training is hard. Her teachers are strict. Diana keeps a close eye on her, monitoring her everyday progress. She goes to bed sore and tired every night, but smiles anyway, because every bit of pain is worth it.

The Amazons let her experiment with her powers as well and soon she discovers abilities she had no idea she could have. Telekinesis, teleportation, flying. After months of practice she gets a pretty good hold on them.

There's not much information on the full extent of her powers though, because apparently it's been centuries since the last time Trigon had a child, a half human one at that. But she works with Diana on everything they can find, because Rachel is here on a mission and she intends to complete it. She will bring Donna back, whatever it takes. 

After five long months the day finally comes. She worked too hard on this to back away now. 

It's a struggle. Donna's consciousness is hazy, sleepy and resistant. Rachel channels Diana, and together they slowly lure her out with memories of her loved ones. Dick. Dawn. Hank. Kory. Gar.

_ We're waiting for you _ , Rachel calls out to her.  _ We want you to come home _ .

Even with Wonder Woman as her anchor it's hard for her to stay awake. She's conscious long enough to see Donna grabbing Diana's hand before everything goes dark. 

She wakes up three days later to Donna's very happy and very much alive face, before the woman pulls her into a bone crushing hug, murmuring something about how stupidly dangerous that was and how Dick would probably send her back to the Underworld if Rachel didn't wake up.

She seems to be okay, both physically and mentally. Her soul is intact, as well as her memories, which means Rachel had done everything right. 

Mission accomplished. 

It's time to go home.

Donna decides to stay a little bit longer on Themyscira, and honestly, Rachel doesn't blame her. She's sad they won't be coming back together, but she understands her reasons. Donna records a a short video message to the team on Rachel's phone, promising she'll be back soon and asking them not to worry.

"Tell Dick I love him." she whispers into the girl's ear as they hug one last time before Rachel's take off. "And that I'm sorry. For everything."

"Of course."

***

Rachel asked Diana to not inform Dick or anyone else about her coming back, so nobody in the Tower is expecting her. The flight felt agonizingly long and she couldn't be happier when they finally land in San Francisco. Before she knows it, she's getting out of the car in front of the main entrance, the duffel back on her shoulder. She's back home at last.

Her access code hasn't changed but she still smiles to the security camera above her head. If anyone is in the tech room right now, they will definitely see her. Her insides are twisting into knots from excitement as she rides the elevator on 32nd floor. She's so nervous that the soft 'ding' sound makes her jump. The door slide open and Rachel steps inside.

The first thing that hits her is a smell of a home cooked meal. Kory and Dawn in the kitchen, preparing dinner. They dance around each other, laughing and passing ingredients. There's a lot of laughter coming from the other side of the great room as well - Gar, Conner and Rose (or is it Jericho?) are immersed in a video game, while Hank stands next to them with arms crossed over his chest, commenting everything. Rachel looks around. Dick is nowhere to be seen and nobody noticed her yet.

"Mind if I join you guys?" she asks no one in particular, loud enough for everyone to hear her. All heads turn her way, each person frozen in the middle of what they were doing. 

She gives them a wide grin and waves.

"Guess who's back?"

"RACHEL!"

Suddenly she's drowning in hugs, being passed from person to person. Kory holds her so tight she can barely breathe, while Gar almost topples her over when they hug. Everyone start asking her questions, trying to outtalk each other and she has to raise her hands in the air to silence them.

"Guys, I promise." she laughs. "I'll tell you everything."

"Well, you better." a new voice comes in and Gar and Kory part away from her to reveal Dick standing few feet away from them, with his hands in his pockets and a wide smile on his face. "Because I am dying to hear it."

Everyone go quiet while Rachel's laugh erupts in the room as she runs straight into his already awaiting arms. 

"Dick!"

He picks her up, pressing her tight against his chest. She throws her arms around his neck and snuggles into him, smiling. 

"Hi, baby girl."

"I've missed you so much." she whispers and he squeezes her tighter, his strong arms sneaking around her waist.

"I've missed you, too. You have no idea."

They break apart, both a little out of breath, but his hands remain on her shoulders. The message is clear - he won't let her go anywhere far. 

"I'm glad you're finally back home." he says as he ruffles her hair. Normally she would scoff at him for that, but not today. 

"Yeah, me too." she's so overwhelmed with happiness she almost forgets about the message she's supposed to give them. She turns to the others and waves at them. "Hey, guys! Come here, I need to show you something."

They all release a collective gasp when she plays them the video. Dawn and Kory start to cry. Hank runs his hand across his face, a breathless  _ holy shit _ escaping his lips. Gar looks at the screen with his mouth wide open. And Dick just stares, his eyes clouded with tears. His grip on her shoulder tightens, but never enough to hurt her. 

"You did it." He whispers in disbelief. "You brought her back."

Rachel turns to him.

"It was hard. And I slept for 3 days straight after…" she chuckles. "But yeah… I did it."

He stares at her for a moment, then pulls her in, crushing her in a hug. His hand is cradling her head when he presses a kiss to her temple, then whispers with a trembling voice.

"Thank you."

Rachel feels like she's going to break down crying if she starts talking, so she just nods against his shoulder. She really missed being in his arms. 

They all spend the rest of the day on the couch in the living room, laughing, sharing stories and just being together as a family. Rachel is finally able to truly relax, leaning her head against Dick's shoulder as he wraps his arm around her loosely. Yeah, it's good to be home.

***

She's almost finished unpacking, already in her pajamas, when she hears a soft knock on her bedroom door. She turns to see Dick standing there, leaning on the doorframe, smiling at her softly.

"See? I told you your room will be waiting for you."

Rachel chuckles.

"Yeah, you sure did."

His smile grows when his eyes notice the t-shirt she's wearing and Rachel looks down at herself, slightly embarrassed.

"Uh… yeah, thanks for this, by the way." she mumbles, awkwardly playing with the hem of the shirt. "Helped a lot."

"I'm glad it did."

"And don't worry, you're gonna have it back tomorrow."

"You can keep it." he tells her and walks over to her bed before throwing himself at it like he owns it. He's lying on his back with his hands folded under his head. He's barefoot, only wearing grey sweatpants and a white tank top, and Rachel smiles at the sight. They only look at each for few seconds before he extends his hand to her in an inviting gesture.

"Are you just gonna stand there or do you wanna cuddle?"

The words coming out from his mouth sound so ridiculous Rachel bursts out laughing, but takes his hand nonetheless.

"Cuddles. Definitely."

She climbs on the bed and Dick covers them both with a blanket as she settles herself against him. His arms instantly wrap around her, pulling her closer and hugging tightly. Rachel rests her head on his chest and closes her eyes, listening to his heartbeat. 

His hand comes up to her hair, stroking it gently.

"It's so good to have you back, Rach." he murmurs.

"I'm sorry it took so long." she whispers back. "But I didn't want to come back until I did what I went there to do. I needed to bring Donna back first."

"How is she?"

"Okay. She seemed a bit tired in the beginning, but got better over the next few days." she replies. "She wanted me to tell you that she loves you and she's sorry for everything."

Dick only nods in response. Rachel doesn't need to use her powers to know he feels very emotional about this. Their connection remained clear and strong, even after so much time apart. She's happy to find the fire of his heart still burning bright. 

He continues to run his fingers through her hair, and the motion and the sound of his heart beating under her ear lull her to sleep. She snuggles deeper into his embrace and murmurs.

"I've missed you."

His arms tighten around her and she feels his lips kissing her forehead gently.

"I've missed you too. There wasn't a day that I wasn't thinking about you." he stops for a moment, thinking. "Honestly, I didn't think it's going to be this hard, being away from you."

Rachel lets out a sigh.

"Yeah, me neither."

"But you're back." he says, rubbing her back. "That's all that matters to me right now."

Rachel's mind goes back to the day they met. Neither one of them ever thought they'd be here right now. They were alone, lonely and struggling, and by finding each other they saved each other's lives. And now it looks like they can't live without each other.

There's no accidental meetings between kindred spirits, Rachel knows that now. 

"I love you." she whispers to him, her voice trembling from emotions. She wanted to tell him that for so long, but it always felt like it wasn't a right time. But she can't hold it back anymore. 

His hand on her back freezes and Dick sucks in a sharp breath, his heart now hammering in his chest. He's still like a statue and for a second Rachel thinks she made a mistake. But then she feels the fire inside his heart, and it's  _ raging _ , swallowing him whole, the flames singing her name in a harmony of voices. She had never seen, or felt, anything more beautiful.

He slips his fingers under her chin and lifts her head up, cupping her jaw. His brown eyes shine with tears and the softest, most affectionate smile spreads across his face.

"I love you too, Rachel." he whispers back and his voice trembles as well. Then he leans in, kissing her forehead lovingly and she can feel a lone tear escape her eye as he does so. "I love you so much, baby girl."

They fall asleep wrapped in each other's arms and nothing else in the world matters. Because, after everything they've been through, both together and separately, they finally, at long last, made it home


	15. The Epilogue - Daddy's Little Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it. Welcome to chapter 15! The Epilogue. Hope you enjoy this last chapter as much as previous ones, it was really remarkable experience to write this entire thing. It was very interesting to go through this show again, but not as a viewer but as a character, trying to see and interpret things from Rachel's point of view really gave me a new outlook on this story. Maybe, after season 3 is done, I'll do something like this again, what do you think? But that's in the future. Now I'll let you enjoy this little thing, something that is my biggest dream for this show but the chances for it actually happening are close to none.

She's in her room, sitting cross legged on her bed flipping through her spellbooks when she hears a soft knock on the door.

"Come in!" she calls and a second later Dick walks in, flashing her that sweet smile of his, the one she loves the most.

"Hey, you got a second?"

"Sure." she says, closing her book and putting it away on her nightstand. Dick crosses the room and sits down next to her. "What's up?"

"Do you know what day it is today?"

She raises an eyebrow at him, confused.

"Uh… Tuesday?"

Dick laughs softly under his breath.

"Yes, but that's not what I mean." He scoots closer to her and covers her hand on the mattress with his own. "It's been exactly one year since we've met."

She stares at him in shock, wide eyes and mouth open.

"Wait, seriously?"

"Yeah… and you know, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, about that day and everything that followed… and I decided to give you a little something. An anniversary gift, sort of."

Rachel bursts out laughing.

"Oh my God, Dick! You didn't have to." Her smile falters for a moment. "And now I feel bad because I don't have anything for you."

"Oh, don't worry about it." he tells her. "But before I give it to you, let me tell you a little story."

The tone of his voice makes her giggle. It's like she's a little baby and he's preparing to tell her a bedtime story. 

"Okay." She grins, props her elbows on her knees, sets her chin between her palms, and stares at him, giving him her whole attention. "I'm all ears."

Dick chuckles at her antics, then takes a long, deep breath and suddenly he seems nervous. Like, _really_ nervous. But before Rachel has a chance to ask, he starts talking.

"When Bruce took me in, he had absolutely no idea how to connect with me. He jumped right in, volunteered to foster me, talked to social workers, filled all the paperwork. But he didn't know what to do at all. And to be fair, I didn't exactly make it any easier for him."

He laughs under his breath, looking down. She's not exactly sure where this is going, but it looks like it's a difficult topic for him, so for now she's just going to listen.

"Years later, when you came into my life, I finally started to understand him. You take it upon yourself to take care of someone, without thinking, because it's the right thing to do. But suddenly it hits you that it's not just you anymore, you have this little life depending on you and the responsibility is terrifying."

"But you don't regret it, do you?" she can't stop herself from asking. Dick locks eyes with her and shakes his head.

"No. Never. Because despite all the screw ups, all those mistakes I made, all the times it was difficult for both of us… it's the best thing that ever happened to me."

He smiles at her and all she wants to do is tackle him with a hug. But she has a feeling the story isn't over yet, so she lets him continue.

"The day I turned seventeen… I remember, I was reading a book in my bed when he came to me. And the view was very confusing, because the most composed man on Earth was so nervous he's shaking. He couldn't even look me in the eyes."

And there it is, the same as before. Dick is nervous too, she just can't figure out why.

As Dick continues to speak, he reaches out to the back pocket of his jeans, revealing a white envelope to her. He turns it between his fingers, staring at it.

"He walked up to me and put a set of documents right in front of me, saying _Whatever you're going to do with it, the decision is up to you. Think about it._ And then he just left, without another word."

When he's quoting Bruce, Dick looks her right in the eyes, like the words are meant for her as well. Then he hands her the envelope, setting it slowly in front of her on the bed. She glances down at it, then back at him, confused and finds him staring at her intensely, holding his breath, like he's waiting for something. Realizing this little thing is her gift, she picks it up and rips it open.

She's staring at the headline of the document and she doesn't believe her own eyes. She's not even blinking, scared the words will disappear and all she's left with is a blank page. She's reading it over and over again, but it's getting harder when her eyes become blurry with tears and a lump rises in her throat.

It's the Official Adoption Application Form.

The paper has already been filled, all personal details correct - both his and hers. Dick is listed as an adoptive parent. The only empty spot on the page is a place for her signature.

She almost breaks down crying.

He wants to adopt her. Officially.

"Dick…" Rachel chokes out, unable to say more.

"It took Bruce five years to make this decision." he starts again, his own voice trembling with emotions as well. "I don't wanna wait that long. Not when I know _this_ is what I want to do, _this_ is who I want to be for you. But it's not just my decision to make, so I'm giving you a choice, Rachel. If it's not what you want, you can rip this paper to shreds and we'll forget it ever existed. But just so you know - I will be the happiest man on the planet if I get to call you my daughter."

_Is this even real?_

She lifts her gaze at him to find him smiling nervously, his shoulders tense. She's speechless, but she has to say something, _anything_ , so after thinking for a moment she starts hesitantly.

"I… I never had a dad. It was always just me and my mom and maybe it wasn't perfect but it was enough. And… until I met you… I didn't even know how it feels to have one. How… incredible it is." 

A tear starts rolling down her cheek and she has to cover her lips to muffle a sob. She lifts the document in her hands again and looks Dick right in the eyes.

"That night in Detroit, a year ago, you saved me. And not just from the guy who killed my mom. If it wasn't for you, I would either be dead or I would be put in the system, moving from one foster home to another, because no one would understand and accept me."

It's getting harder to speak, because at this point she just wants to cry. But she has to tell him what it means to her. She has to say what she wanted to say to him for so long.

"You gave me a home, Dick. A family. A safe space to be my true self. There isn't a day when I am not grateful for that. And this?" she points at the paper in her hand. "This is _everything_ I have ever wanted and you have no idea how freaking much I love you for it."

She throws herself into his arms, letting the page fall from her hand on the mattress beside her. She loops her arms around his neck and he holds her tight, pressing her close against his chest. He's crying too, she can feel his tears on her neck and hear his shuddering breath. He leans away for a moment to cup her face in his hands and whispers.

"I love you so much, baby girl. So much."

Rachel smiles through her tears at him, her heart beating out of her chest.

"I love you, too… Dad."

A sob escapes his lips and he starts laughing, trying to cover it.

"I will never get tired of hearing that word."

"Good." she replies. "Because I will never get tired of saying it."

He laughs again, then leans in to press a sweet, loving kiss to her forehead. Rachel closes her eyes at the touch and smiles. The joy she feels right now is indescribable. This is the best moment of her life and she will remember it forever. 

They touch their foreheads together and Dick nuzzles his nose against hers, making her giggle. They stay like that for a moment, letting their raging hearts calm down, soaking it all in. On one hand, their lives are about to change forever. On the other - everything will stay the same. But they couldn't be more happy about it.

"So… " Rachel starts, leaning away and wiping the last of her tears from her face. "Now what? I just need to sign the paper and that's it?"

"Well, adoption is a process and it might take a while before it gets finalized." Dick explains. "But signing this document is the first step."

"Okay, give me a second."

She jumps out of bed, grabbing the document on the way and goes to her desk, looking for a pen. In the meantime Dick gets himself comfortable, laying down on her pillows with his arms under his head, watching her with a smile. Once she gets what she needs, Rachel writes down her signature in the right spot, putting much more effort into it than ever before. Her breath hitches in her throat as she does so and her heart skips a beat because now all of it is real. She is signing her name on an official document that in the future will make her Dick Grayson's daughter. 

She turns back to him with a grin, holding the page in front of her.

"See? Done."

Dick dramatically sighs in relief, wiping his hand across his forehead.

"Oh thank God." he breathes out. "Now get in here."

She jumps right at him and together they roll on the bed in a fit of laughter. When they settle, Dick wraps his arms around her and pulls her to him, letting her rest her head on his chest. They stay like this, his hand slowly stroking her hair as she listens to his heartbeat.

Suddenly a thought runs through her mind and she props herself on her elbow to look at him.

" Do I get to have your last name?"

Dick's face instantly lights up.

"Well… Do you _want_ to be called Rachel Grayson?"

"Maybe…" she says teasingly, smirking.

"It's all up to you, honey." he tells her and she smiles at the word _honey_ . She absolutely _loves_ when he's calling her nicknames. "If you want to change your last name, you'll be able to do it at court, I think."

"Wow, you really did your research on it, didn't you?"

Dick smiles at her.

"I stayed up late everyday this past week to read online as much as I could." And before she gets to ask her next question, he adds. "But the idea has been stuck in my head for a while now."

Rachel quirks an eyebrow at him.

"How long?"

"Basically since we first came here."

She lets out a quiet 'wow' but doesn't say much else because in this moment they hear a soft knock and Kory sticks her head through the door.

"Hi, just wanted to check if everything's okay." She says with her sweet voice, smiling brightly.

Dick grins back at her and pulls Rachel closer. "All good, Kor. Just discussing details."

Rachel looks back at him, surprised.

"Wait, they know?"

"Can we start celebrating now?" Gar's voice comes from behind the door and soon his green haired head shows up as well. "Please, tell me she signed it."

"Oh my God." She rolls her eyes and falls back down on Dick's chest, sighing. 

Dick looks back at them and his grin grows bigger.

"She signed it." he confirms. "And she's calling me 'dad'."

"Is she now?" the woman laughs and before they know it, both Gar and Kory throw themselves at the bed next to them and it's a one big mess of tangled arms and laughter. Rachel is squashed between the three of them, and even if it's not the most comfortable position ("Seriously Gar, can you _please_ take your elbow out of my face? Thank you.") she wouldn't change it for anything. This is her family and she loves them all too much to describe it.

She's one lucky girl to have them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who tuned in, even for one chapter. Thank you to everyone who stayed till the end. For kudos, comments and bookmarks. I love my readers as much as I love Dick Grayson and Rachel Roth (I know I'm obsessed, you don't need to tell me that 😂). A massive 😘 and thank you, and.... See you very VERY soon with a new story (because you're crazy if you think I will ever stop writing about my favorite father-daughter duo in fiction) BYE!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos as always appreciated, thanks for reading! If you love these two as much as I do and you wanna talk and gush over them, hit me up on Tumblr: not-so-mundane-after-all-97.


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